My boys attend a fine arts coop sort of thing for homeschoolers. They meet 3 1/2 hours every Monday and do Art, Drama, Music, and PE. The parents rotate through as the class helpers (taking attendance and taking the kids from one class to another as there are two buildings). The teachers of the four classes are paid so we also pay a monthly fee. Classes start at 4 years old and go all the way through high school. In the four years that I've sent the boys, there have always been a few teens with colored hair (red, blue, green) or highlights. Some of the teen boys have an earring. Some of the boys have shoulder-length hair. I've always thought that one of the great things about homeschooling is that the child's appearance is strictly between the parent and child. There have always been modesty related rules in the dress code. Things like how long a skirt has to be, no tank or tub tops, etc. I completely understand the need for such things. After a few weeks of meeting this year, they are changing the dress code. The changes state that boys can no longer have pierced ears. Girls can only have one set of piercings in their ears. No one can have unnaturally colored hair. Boys can not have hair past the nape of their neck. No one can have any hairstyle considered "grunge," "emo," or "goth." And in summation, they say, "Any hairstyle or fashion that the staff views as a distraction is unacceptable. By distraction, we mean anything that would call undue attention to appearance." Here are my issues: 1. They are changing the rules mid-year so parents couldn't make an informed decision about sending their kids before signing them up. 2. They are forbidding things that they've allowed for years. 3. They are leaving the door way too wide open for subjective interpretation. 4. I know for a fact that this all came about because one of the larger families (read: family that pays a lot each month) complained because they let in a 9 year old boy who has a mohawk. They threatened to withdraw their children if he was allowed to continue attending. The day before we got the new dress code memo, my 5 yo had asked me if he could "get blue lines in his hair." DH and I discussed it and told him that the next time he got a hair cut, he could get blue lines. Now, either we have to break our promise to our son, or we have to pull him out of his fine arts classes. I tried to explain things to him last night, but he just can't understand why he has to choose. I think it's beyond him at this age. On top of that, I'm not sure I want my children involved in such an elitist organization. So am I being unreasonable? I tend to have a very low tolerance for prudish behavior (which is not the same as modest, or decent behavior). This whole thing just reeks of snobbery to me.
In my opinion you are not being unreasonable. I would be supper upset and if it came to it would pull my kids out. It think that is a bunch of crap. Personally I wouldn't want to be involved with an organization that would up and change the rules because of one family. I see nothing wrong at all with mohawks or colored hair - it doesn't make a kid bad. The more I think about this the more adamant I am about pulling my kids out after telling the people running the group exactly why. And I wouldn't be very nice about it.
I don't know...I probably would prefer that the kids not be extreme in appearance in a learning environment. Especially where little kids attend and are easily distracted. One of the churches we recently visited had a young teen in attendance who was dressed very goth. My girls were mesmerized by her extreme appearance. It was almost like they couldn't get past it. The focus should have been on God rather it was on a kid who was very much involved in expressing herself. Anyway, I understand wanting to let our kids have some freedom of expression (while maintaining modesty of course) but at the same time it's important that their expression is not distracting in a learning environment.
Just to be clear, the kids are divided by age group. The classes are K4, K5, 6/7, 8/9, 10/11, 12/13, and high school. The only time they are in the same room is for the opening (Announcements and Pledge of Allegiance).
I would think that my kids would still be able to learn if there was a kid in class with a purple mohawk. In fact I would expect them to. The color of a child's hair or the fact that someone dresses all in black should have no bearing on the situation. I think it is crazy that another parent should be able to determine what color of hair my child can have. If your child can't focus because my dd's hair is blue it seems your child might be the one with a problem. Oh boy Amie you hit on a hot topic for me! lol!
Speaking of the art classes, I find it a bit counterproductive to encourage artistic creativity while discouraging it at the same time, but then I do face painting so I might have a different perspective than most others.
Did you actually ask them why they made the change? I realize that it may seem like it's probably just because of the larger family, but there may have been other families who had been complaining about the extremes as well. If these classes were at a church facility, I might also wonder if the church itself hadn't had some complaints on it that were having to be taken into account. In short, though, if you don't like the code and they are intent on changing it, you'll either have to comply or find something else. You'll just have to decide what's more important to your family in this case. If you think the majority of families would also agree the code is too strict, you might also try to organize them to meet with the leadership about the matter.
I'm staying out of this one, BUT dh says that things like colored Mohawks ARE a distraction in class. He also says that the kids who do it do so simply to draw attention to themselves. I'm talking teens here, not little kids who see what the teens do and try to imitate them.
I'm not going to comment on this topic anymore or I will say something really obnoxious and get the thread closed. Have fun.
WOW....I would certainly not say my 5 and 6 year old had a problem because they were very interested in a girl who had spiky hair, a chain belt, black lipstick and dark purple eyeshadow...in church. Unfortunately kids are easily distracted and while my husband and I are successful at redirecting their attention when we're with them they are still kids and lose focus. If they were in a group of kids with one or two teachers I would imagine it might be a bit more work to focus all the kids. Now, if the kids are used to seeing people with purple hair and mohawks then they would be accustomed to it and it wouldn't be a big deal. OPINIONS were asked and I gave mine...and I thought I was being pleasant in my response.
I didn't have to ask. One of the people who changed the rules told me. Since I posted that, I found out three families have already dropped out. They opened a can of worms with this one, apparently. Though it's nice to know I'm not the only parent with an issue. Oh, and as far as being held in a church: Yes, we rent space from a church to meet there, but it is not affiliated with the church in any way. That had no bearing on the decision. In regards to the mohawk being a distraction: I was the parent helper in one of the classes last week and I can speak from first hand experience that the two boys in the class that were wearing yarmulkes were far more distracting than the one with the mohawk. The kids grilled them endlessly about what they were and why they were wearing them. No one mentioned the mohawk aside from the occasional "cool hair" comment.
I didn't have a problem with your response. I did ask for opinions. I want all of them, not just the ones I agree with I think I'm still in, "yeah... but...." mode. You know, that stage we all go through where reason and logic don't often break the barriers of the initial reaction.
I think it bothers me most that the decision was made AFTER the year started. I don't think it's very fair to change mid-way.
Well, since you seem to know for sure why, and they're losing other families over it, this may prove to be an expensive lesson for the leadership to learn. I, too, think that places can set whatever rules they want, but with a rule such as this, it's grossly inappropriate to do so in the middle of the semester. They should've just stated that these rules will go into effect next term, if they just really felt the need for them.
I think you're right to be upset over this. Any expectations should be made clear before families sign up for classes. Besides, this family that's complaining had an understanding of the dress code before they made the choice to sign up, didn't they? A little bit of common sense would have told them that if mohawks weren't restricted then there's a chance one of their children might be faced with a mohawk. Now they're demanding those in charge of the classes make up for this family's lack of common sense? Sheesh. I do think organizations have a right to set expectations for dress but no right to do so after they've taken your money and already lead you to believe they had a different set of expectations. I also tend to think weird hair, piercings and clothes can be distracting but kids generally seem to get over that when it gets more familiar and I don't think it's such a bad thing for them to learn to do so. I also think blue hair is VERY cool. In fact my minister's wife has blue bangs at the moment.
If it were me, I'd be upset. If that one family knew what it was like before they walked in the door they shouldn't have expected that other people should have to change their ways to make them comfortable. And true there is an appropriate time and place for clothing. I don't go to church, but I've been to one a few times, and even recently. I noticed that there are many different people there, and not all of them looked like they didn't belong because of what they were wearing. I thought God didn't care what anyone looked like?
I suppose if someone wants to have a dress code for a program they are welcome to...however...changing something mid year is what is distracting. lol. If a program has a dress code or whatever BEfORE you sign up then you have the ability to decide if you agree or not or if it's worth it...whatever. changes so drastic are unfair midway through. that is the point I find irritating. My agreeing or disagreeing with the code is not the issue...the issue is when, how and why it changed. I went to ps school growing up. There were a few guys with pink hair and some with blue...lol...a group of punk rocker looking kids. They were in the minority so when you first noticed them it was about a 10 second distration. After that...the kid was just a kid who had a different style. YOu get used to it. I'm not one for funky colored hair but a young person is the only person who can pull it off so more power to 'em! LOL.
