My son just cost us $700 this morning. This is what happened. My dh works from home and was down in his office. I am up in the bedroom on the computer. I was trying to make a payment to an account before the New Year as it is tax deductable. I asked dh the pin. Apparently, he had woken up DS15 to help with something. DS15 was upset over being woken up. He then sent ds15 to the bedroom to tell me the pin. DS15 did come to the bedroom, but was so upset over being woken up, that instead of telling me the pin, he just complained on and on about being woken up. Finally, thinking dh had not found the pin, I asked ds to ask DH what the name of his elementary school was. It was the security question for getting a copy of the pin. DS asked dh but then came back, continuing to complain about being woken up. He repeated it back to me wrong. He said West Side when it was east Side. I typed it in and asked my son if he was sure and he kept repeating back west side at me in between complaining on and on. Finally, ds says "oh, I mean east side." Just as he said that, the site locked up and sent a message that it disabled the pin number because I answered the security question wrong so many times. When ds said east side, I was like "what? why did your dad say west side then?" and he admitted that his dad said east side. Then I went to his dad and told him what happened and his dad told me he had sent ds up originally to tell me the pin number! I asked ds about that and he lied to me and first said that he gave me the pin number already. Then he said dh never gave him the pin number until too late (changing his story). DH told me that DS was lying. I spent 2 hours calling around trying to straighted the whole pin number thing out and trying to add money to the account over the phone and it turns out, you cannot. You can only do it online or by sending a check! So then I go and figure up the amount I was going to pay (and could deduct for taxes) times our tax rate and figure that DS single handedly cost us $700!!! How , why did he do this? I am so sick of this! He wants to take drivers ed, but he keeps proving to be so irresponsible that I just cannot see letting him use my car.
I have had that happen several times where I forget my code and they lock up the account. Just call them and they will give you a temporary password to get in and change your account settings.
Personally, I wouldn't want my teen to have to be the bearer of having to tell me important info that could potentially cost me that much. I'd go directly to my source of information and cut out the middle man. Granted, he was whining and he did omit the information that was needed, lied to you and whined instead about having to help out. Maybe if he wants the money for driver's ed you should have him get a job and see just how hard it is to earn $700 dollars for his insurance and driver's ed class, maybe then he would respect your finances and be appreciative over the fact that $700 dollars is a lot of money and not always easily earned. Good luck with the situation, teenagers are an odd sometimes..I have one almost two of them in my house hold.
It sounds like there is a lot going on in your home! How distracting that can be. Sometimes I think teenagers are a bit like pregnancy brain...do you remember that? Where you know that you know something or even how to think about something, but you can't make your brain DO it?! It sounds like all three of you were talking around your own purposes and not listening to each other. I know this happens to me a lot especially when I am trying to figure something out on the computer...or on the phone and the kids are talking to me and I just do not listen...it is frustrating to them because I am ignoring them and frustrating to me because I am distracted while doing something that I don't like to do anyhow. I think it takes a deep breath and the understanding that "children are not the cheapest hobby I have ever had." I am still trying to teach the kids when a discussion is appropriate and when they could just by looking, determine my ability to pay attention. sigh. (and I am working on kid #4...ongoing process) Forgiveness is a powerful thing. and teens do NOT understand consequences sometimes...so linking consequences to behavior is quite important...but make it reasonable...you were distracted by his whining and you were not paying attention to the website....maybe that is not the charity that God wanted you to give to? If you write a check to your local church prior to Dec 31...it will count the same. The covering stories...I think, must be dealt with. First be sure to take your share of the responsibility for the outcome of the situation, then deliver the consequences. Make sure that you make him aware of consequences that you are dealing with also. (the natural ones) Blessings on you and your family
that sounds exactlylike my husband side of the family. It seems like no one cares about anything lol. Wrong pin number? locking the web site? their attitude is like nothing happens. Drives me crazy! I know your feelings!
I don't understand where the $700 comes from? How is he costing you $700? Or is that the purchase that you are suppose to be deducting. I guess I'm confused by that. I don't have teens, yet. However, with something that sacred and important I probably wouldn't rely on a child, or teen to relay the info. Yes, he probably had a bad attitude and then tried covering up his mushbrain with lies, but after a minute of frustration and uncertainty, I probably would have gone to the source for the correct one.
I'm sure there is an attorney on the board who would be able to give you an idea of your, dh's and ds's percentage of liability here. If it has to do with home business finances, it might be a good lesson for all of you to figure out your liability and assign restitution. Or, when you find out that you and dh's percentage of liability adds up to more than you can afford to burden yourself with guilt (assuming you would not expect you and dh to pay yourselves restitution), you might want to consider forgiving your son--and yourself and dh--and learn that handling weighty monetary issues during normal sleeping hours is not wise for any party involved.:wink:
First of all consequences for acting like he did are in order. That would be up to you andyour dh. Driving a car??? Driving a car is full of responsibility!!! If he wants to drive a car and cannot get up in the morning to help where needed, how can he get up to go to work so he can buy a car, maintain a car and carry insurance. Use your car? No way, you have a car because your family needs you to have a car. Would he be responsible enough to come in on time, not destroy it, etc. About the $700!!! That is a lot of money. He should have to get up every moringin at ? hour and start "working" to pay that off. I would give him minimum wage and he would have to earn that amount of money to "pay you back". He will then realize how much $700 is in real money and time. No way should he get away with this, he is 15 years old and in 3 years he has the right to vote in our country
well I am with Jen, where did the money go? If its just a pass word I have done that myself many times. Just call the company and they always helped me through it. Never cost me a thing. I am lost. Sorry. Its raining her my brain is full of clouds.
This was NOT just the teenagers fault! I agree that he messed up, but so did the parents, right? There are times we have to step back and see the situation from someone else's point of view. Teenager was tired and cranky. Teenagers are known for having a hard time getting up in the morning, and when they're woken up, it's harder. This teenageer has been doing some things lately that have caused mom to wonder how reliable he is. With those know facts, I'm curious as to why a 15yo in a foul mood was given vital information to relay over and over again, especially when he's just woken up and isn't clear-headed yet? Then when it doesn't work out the teenager is blamed as 100% responsible, and considered a bad kid when he didn't rise to the occasion? I TOTALLY agree that he SHOULD have done the right thing, and that he DID lie, and ABSOLUTELY agree that he is not ready to drive yet until he shows consistently more responsible behaviour!!! He DOES need a consequence for lying. However, I DON'T think it's fair for all of the blame to be placed on his shoulders for the reasons mentioned above! Kris, was it you that the kid hit on an icy road? Can't remember. Anyway, the father allowed his young (just starting to drive) son drive with icy road conditions. He didn't stop in time and ran into another car. The father was angry, and after they got out of the car he whipped out the cell phone, called his wife and the first words were, "Guess what your idiot son just did?!" In that situation, the father shouldn't have allowed his new driver to drive in those conditions---he just wasn't ready! Then he gets angry at the son (I'd be upset, but wouldn't be angry AT the son....) and says nasty things! It's all on the son's poor shoulders, when I'm sure he felt horrible enough as it was! There are extenuating circumstances that need to be taken into consideration, then figure out a fair punishment. I'd begin by understanding that you or your husband could just have well gotten up to get the pin or password, instead of sending the sleepy, grumpy son, then go from there, I think it'd be more fair. I don't mean to offend anyone. My dh and I had to work on stuff like this as our kids have gotten older, and it's not easy to come at it from their point of view! Best wishes!
Deena, I agree with you 100 percent. No it wasn't me in that wreck. Like I said it's not all his fault. They need to step back and look what they did. I would of just called the company. I still don't get where they lost money. Losing a pin isn't the end. Companies do help you get them back. Unless I am missing something...
I agree with Deena as well. I'm still confused on where the $700 comes from? Or is this a 'virtual' $700?
I'm in total agreement with you, Deena. The lying has to be dealt with, but I don't see the rest of this as 100% his doing. Seems to me, if the transaction was that important, I would have gotten the info. from DH myself. (Especially after the 15 y/o didn't come back with the pin #, the first time I asked.)
I'm with Deena..... wake ME up (and I'm NOT a teen) and start asking me to do vital stuff - it's not happening (unless it's a very serious emergency - then SOMEONE better start making me coffee! LOL) When I just took my foster daughter to the driver's ed thing - they stated that a kid's mind didn't mature until they were 25 years of age and that's why they look at you and say "huh?" after you just explained something to them 10 times - they used a picture of homer simpson's brain for that one
me too I agree with Deena, sometimes we just forget our kids are just that even as teens they are kids, we all have to remember that. I would deal wth the lying but understand the situation as well,
If you take our tax rate and the amount I was putting in..it was a tax deduction. So our tax rate times the amount being given equals the bottom line of how much our taxes would have been reduced by in the end.
