I really just need some happy thoughts sent right now!

So we have found ourselves in the middle of a mess we don't know how to deal with. We are trying hard to figure it out, and really we should have seen it coming (or maybe we did, but didn't think it would be such a big deal in the end), but we are coming up blank.

The short story is, a girl who hubby had a one night stand with like 13 years ago, had a kid who was concieved about the same time. Hubby paid for a DNA test and it proved he was not the father, but this girl has insisted that hubby had the test fixed, has told a great many people this and made up horrible rumors trying to ruin him.

The whole 8 1/2 years we have been together we have had issues with her saying things to people around town that hubby was leaving me for her, that he was in love with her, etc. Now we hear that she has this kid convinced that hubby is her father but he wants nothing to do with her.

It's crushing hubby that this girl thinks she is her dad and is a deadbeat, he is anything but a deadbeat dad, he is an awesome dad. It's crushing me that this little girl is being so messed up by this when she is just an innocent party in it all.

We don't know how to fix this, but this little girl needs to know the truth and it needs to happen soon. We can't take much more of this, it's not straining our marriage at all, but definately is hurting both of us inside. Some happy thoughts would really be appreaciated right now!!

 

(((hugs))) So sorry you and your Dh are going through this. And the poor girl who has been lied to. No matter what happens she will be devastated when the truth comes out--and it always does.

I wonder if there is some way to prove to the woman's daughter that your Dh is not her father. I would think that at some level she would have the right to get that information without her mother's permission? What a tangled web that woman has woven.

 

(((hugs)))

I can't think of any great advice, beyond having your dh talk to the girl and explain to HER that he isn't her father, but I don't know how or if that is a good idea.

I'm so sorry- what a mess!

 

I think I'd be tempted to contact child protection services and report this evil person... what she is doing to that child (repeatedly lying about her father, saying he wants nothing to do with her, etc) is a form of mental and emotional abuse and those scars don't heal as easily as physical scars. SICK SICK SICK person she is to do something like this to her daughter.

Anyone who would fall for the story that he had the test results fixed... dear father !! This isn't a soap opera where one person can pay someone else to fix the results to show what they want them to show and anyone who would believe it... oh my !!

(((hugs))) I wish I knew what to tell you.

 

Yeah I don't think Marty snuck into the lab at the hostpital in this situation..lol (Ok, you have to watch One Life to Live to know that one, but yeah I just outted myself..lol)

Someone made a great point to me, maybe after 12 years this woman has herself convinced even (I have heard if you lie enough you begin to believe it, so maybe so?) that it's the truth. All I know is we have to do something about it, and a lawyer isn't really in our budget right now. I'm thinking of calling Judge Judy or Maury Povich (though he is kind of trashy..lol), but I'm not sure I have the guts to be on TV.

 

Have you tried talking to the police?

When a friend committed suicide, his mother kept sending me these truly awful letters telling me it was my fault. She would write all over the envelope, just stalker stuff. I went to the police, and although (at that time, before stalker laws), he couldn't actually do anything, he DID call her and tell her to stop harassing me.

 

:lol: or General Hospital (last time I watched it, that was going on)

I was thinking that... but for some reason I thought it was Jerry Springer who did the testing. I think I'd muster the courage to do it if it meant sparing that child of anymore lies and your husband the defamation of character she is subjecting him to... one sick woman who needs some serious counselling.

 

Yeah, I'm about ready to suck it up and get my butt on a plane and sit in front of some cameras even if I can't watch it when it airs!

The years that we have heard rumors from the words of adults in the family was one thing, but knowing that the lies are coming out of the mouth of the girl now is getting to be too much! I am so sick to my stomach over this all. My whole marriage we have delt with crap from this woman, I sometimes wish we could just move away from here and never have to see any of them again... but even if we were to do that we have to get this straightened out for that little girl.

Hubby and I were just talking about contacting the family law laywers we used when he adopted Garrett (ok proof right there he is NOT a deadbeat dad.. he took in a kid who wasn't his and thinks of him as his very own!!), but I'm pretty sure they will want a decent up front fee that we just don't have unless we wait till income tax time. I know we will never be able to sue this woman for the defamation because they are living on welfare in the projects and you can't get blood from a pickle (but if we went to JJ we would get anything awarded to us from the tv show... $5000 would be nice for Christmas shopping..lol)

I just don't know what to do UGH

 

The test came back negative. That's the bottom line. Can you sue her for slander? I, too, am very sorry for the little girl. And she'll grow up just like her mother !

 

Oh, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this!

My BIL has the exact opposite situation! He's trying to claim and gain custody of a little girl that IS his, and get her out of foster care in another state, where she landed because her stepfather "did things". The mother's tried to say the child isn't his, although his DNA test proved that she IS his!

If you call Maury Povich, his show will pay for another DNA test, and you'll get a trip to ... whereever his show is taped! Maybe just the threat of MP picking up the story for the show would be enough for her to cut it out?

 

Well, if we go with Judge Judy I believe we can sue her for slander (if we do it in small claims court we will get no money out of it, not that we really want money out of this, but she really has caused a lot of stress on us, esp hubby who prides himself on being a great dad, it's all he ever wanted in life!, but the TV show would pay what ever money we won in the slander case), I am also pretty sure they would pay for another DNA test and the trip to Cali to be on the show. I also can see JJ riping this woman a new one, where Maury wouldn't do that.

 

Gosh, if we could somehow have some cosmic collision, maybe we could make each situation rub off on each other and it will all be fixed and be all roses and butterflies.

(Maury is taped in Conneticut, yeah I find myself watching that crap from time to time too....lol)

 

Wouldn't it be great if we could just put two opposite situations together and have them cancel each other out???

And Maury's crowd probably would do the ripping for ya! They tend to be quite opinionated on these type things....

 

Crazymama, after I replied this morning (when you mentioned Maury), I admit that I did a search on him and found his website. I did see a place where you can write your story to him. At the very least, why not do that? It allows you to write out the details of this scamming witch and who knows what they can offer for advice. They'll offer to do another DNA test to prove that your husband isn't the father and then she can move along.

I can appreciate not wanting to do it on national television HOWEVER, how many people has this beast told this lie to? How many Sam's told Nicki, who told Humberto who told Jimmy.... see my point? Her lies have been far and wide and to repair the damage you'd pretty much have to do the same thing - reach beyond your community.

Running away would seem like an easy out HOWEVER, I think it would only serve to make matters worse.
1) It makes your husband look like he has something to hide and is running from it
2) The evil witch wins by terrorizing you more than she already has

Though it isn't much help to you, I support you in any way that I can and will always back you

 

Thanks everyone.

Brenda, part of me thinks Maury would hit her in her community (just the type of people she hangs out with would be more likely to watch Maury over Judge Judy.. but then they probably watch her too... I know I'm stereotyping here, but yeah that is just a fact of life sometimes), but I also think JJ would make her come clean to her daughter.

I am thinking that we are going to have to go to extremes over this, we have heard for years that hubby was leaving me for her because he was so in love with her.. there was never any love there, hubby just made some horrible mistakes in his younger years and now he is paying for it like this. I really think this woman wants hubby to be with her, and thinks still to this day that if she can break him into accepting this kid as his, he would be with her.

This is really making me physically ill, and is all I can think of, we have to fix it, somehow!!

 

Hubby just took Garrett to scout camp, we will have a decent discussion when he is home since we don't have to whisper (Garrett KNOWS this girl, in fact they are the same age and part of why we brought him home was what damage this girl could cause our family in the school.. yeah seriously, and that was before we knew that she was being told that hubby was her father).

I'm not sure which way we will go, but we will also have to see what vacation hubby has left, he may not even be able to take anything off to go to one of the shows.

 

I will firmly say that I wouldn't try to deal with it on TV. To me that is just so WRONG to air things out before a TV audience like that. But that's just my opinion.

But, having said that, if you do go that route, let us know when it will be on, and I will make an exception to my never watching those shows....

 

I would try to meet this woman on her playing field. What I mean is, why not play the, "Maybe you're right. Let's do another DNA test" card? That gets the girl in the lab so she knows your DH is willing to "man up" if he's her dad. AND... that gets a fresh test to show her that he's not.

 

Here's my take,for what it's worth. You could have 10 different DNA tests done, and she is going to claim each and every one of them was faked or tampered with. She doesn't want him, or child support, or a "baby daddy". She wants victim status. She wants attention. So far, she is getting it. At some point, people will quit listening to her. Her story will get so old and so convoluted, that people will start seeing her as the town crazy lady. The fact that it has gone on so long really surprises me. I would have thought people would have let it go by now. How is she still making these claims? I wouldn't waste my time with lawsuits or talk shows. You all know the truth, and no talk show or small claims court is going to convince her. I think your only option is to find a way to rise above the gossip and prepare your kids for the stories they will be hearing. Garrett is already familiar with the situation, the littles will have to be prepared at some point too. This is a horrible thing to happen to any family. I hate that you have to go through this!

 

It's not the point that she is the town's crazy lady and most don't believe her crap.. it's the fact that she has this little girl going around town believing that the man that ignores her is her father and is now starting to tell anyone who will listen just that.

Hubby is going to the lawyer who did our adoption tomorrow after work, we will go from there.