i should apoligize in advance for what i know will be a long, disorginized rant... youve been warned, so here goes lately ive been feeling very isolated, weve just moved, agian..allthough hopefully for the last time since we have bought a house for the first time. i no longer have the advantage of co workers and we have not been able to find a church or homeschool group in our area where we feel comfortable. we have joined a few groups here and there and there are other parents at the kids activites but on weeks like this one espically when my DP is out of town on business im reminded that the only friends i have are states away. that piled ontop of dealing with a very ill child as well as the other regular stresses associated with being a parent has just got me a little down recently, i feel guilty for feeling this, i should be enjoying the time i have with my kids and enjoy the blessing that homeschooling has been but latley i find myself more and more alone feeling. there are days where the closest thing to adult conversation i get to have is with my 9 year old and i dont want my stress and (i guess i am a little depressed too) depression to effect my kids... i dont know, just tired and ranting aimlesly.. thanks for listening (reading?) sometimes it helps to get it out in a place you know people will hear/read it... it does make a diffrence. thanks connie
Connie, I know how you feel about the isolation! We've been here 2 years now, and I'm just now starting to feel comfortable in some of the groups. There is no one here that I'd call a close friend though. We moved from a good-sized city to a small, rural city. I think that made it harder for me, because the hs group here was full of people who had known each other forever. Their friendships were already established. I made myself stay involved though. More for my kids sake, since they needed to make new friends. My dh is out of town for the second time in 2 weeks, so I'm getting a little crazy, too. I CRAVE ADULT CONVERSATION!! We aren't done moving, so I'll be starting all over next year some time. One thing I have done is invest in an unlimited long distance calling plan. I can call my friends whenever I want. It's worth it for me! Keep searching. It takes a while to get the hang of a new place. It's extremely difficult (for me anyway) but you really do just have to put yourself out there and be willing to join in. Of course if the groups you have visited are just rude and mean, that's different. If you just felt uncomfortable, maybe you could try again. Groups are usually more receptive once you have visited more than once. Hang in there!
Many hugs and prayers for you Connie! Im sure once you get all settled it wont take long to find others in your new place. I wish you all the luck!!!!
thanks! we also moved to a rural and unconnected area, the land is beutiful out here with our dream home smack in the middle of it, but that doesnt make it any less lonely even with my unlimited long distance calling which i use offten! rude would not begain to describe the churches and some of the homeschool groups we tried to join in on... one homeschool group actually made it a point to stop their meeting and ask us (in front of kids, adults and everyone present) "exactly what we expected to gain from their group" we told them we wanted the same things everyone else here did..support, community and peers for our children. we were told very curtly that they "we were the reason they homeschooled their kids and said that 'people like us seem to get along well in public school, maybe we should try that" needless to say we made a quick exit and diddnt return, and unlike the spokes person there i had more respect for their children and held my tounge! its very frustrating to go aginst the tide...but i know in my heart there is nothing wrong with me, my family or the choices we have made... one more lonley hurtle to overcome
HOW RUDE!!! What happened to make them single you out like that? Did you ask an honest question they didn't appreciate? Well, you're better off alone than with them!!!
Connie; With us traveling like we do I have meet and been through many I mean many groups and I have seen all kinds. I have come to the point it's best to stay to yourself and not join anything. They don't make you feel welcome unless you been in a area for over 5 years. That wouldn't happen for us for awhile. So, we just go do our owe thing. The girls meet alot of kids at Mcdonalds and play grounds then they have pen pals they talk too on the phone, per email, and snail mail. So, it's better that way. Ok I know what you are saying Connie, what about Adult talk, well I come here alot and get alot of support. If you want you can pm me I will talk to you every day. I will help you through this I know how hard it is. Hang in there. Heres a HUG for you.
I would say go hang out at the library a little longer than usual............. I'm sure a homeschool family will come along! I know how it is not to know anyone around you, I moved here and didn't know anyone either.
Connie, First of all ((((hugs)))). I know exactly how you feel. When we moved I had lots of friends a great homeschool group, and my kids had friends. Once you get settled and pick a church, and a homeschool group you are well on your way to making friends. It has been a slow year for me mostly because I didn't get out much (one car family) but now I am really making an effort and I am starting to meet people.
oh Connie, I am sorry! I know the feeling of isolation. It is not a fun feeling. It is hard to feel you are all by yourself. I wish I had a solution for you. It seems you have tried to become a part of your community. Keep praying! I prayed for along time for fellowship before it came my way. But it was worth the amazing friendship I gained. It will come in time. Maybe you could use this time to focus on family and the Lord. I hope things work out for you. That homeschooling group sounded weird. I can't see anything wrong with what you said. Doesn't make any sense to me.
We have tried a few groups also, and since we are not new to the area but new to HS we have found out that many groups, boards, churches, anything basically you have to fit this 'cookie cutter' image. Here you have to be totally their image or you do not fit. It is hard. I have not been yet told that I am not welcome but was treated rudely at a playgroup so 'got the hint'. I am just waiting for the chips to fall elsewhere. It is hard. I want to first tell you CONGRATS on home ownership, secondly, that even though your child is the only interaction that you may have, from my experience with adults, sometimes I think that some adults have very little to offer or only have trash to offer. Children have just pure thoughts, reality, love. Adults can be full of other garbage so sometimes not interacting with them can be a blessing in disguise even though it is missed, I know all too well. I also, have most of my 'real' friends out of state, but call them regularly and catch up. Give one of them a ring, laugh with them a little bit, smile, then you may feel better?
Connie, more <<<<HUGS!>>>> for you! I can't imagine anyone saying anything like that to anyone! WOW! I'm so sorry that happened to you! When you move, there is the adjustment time. It can be lonely and depressing! It takes awhile to find your new niche (nitch), so keep working at it! We are here for you always, so is God! If you find a church family and hs group that will help, but it often takes awhile to work into the friendships. Be patient (Iknow, WAY easier said than done!!!), God will lead you to some good people! I'll be praying for you!
Feeling tremendously isolated is what brought me to Homeschool Spot, and though I'm still extremely new, I couldn't have asked for a better group!!!
*jawdrop* I can't believe they said that!!! How RUDE!!! When i replied the first time I just read your original post. (((hugs))) I defenately wouldn't go back to that.
Yes, How incredibly rude! I wouldn't go back either! As for churches, it once took us 6 months of visiting every church in 2 cities to find a church. It really is amazing how unfriendly church people are sometimes. I try to remember how I felt as a vistor when I see someone new at our church. I'm praying that you find a place to fit in soon! Keep chatting with us. We won't be rude!
Connie, you are not alone. I had a very rude experience at a church hs group as well. Not as bad, but I did not return either, and I still can't believe the behaviour of some believers. It is amazing - you can't figure out what on earth is going on between their ears. I feel lonely as well. My dh has always been an OTR driver, so I have been alone for 23 years. The Lord provides me with some friends, but none that are truly close, and many times weeks will go by without a phone call from anyone. Our distance from everyone doesn't help. Everyone we know is a half hour away and quite busy. Plus, I experience the same thing in that long-time tennesseeans are not looking for friendship from outsiders. All my friends are not from this state. I'd love to have a back-door friend, someone to just drop by or meet at the park, or whatever. But so far, not happening. Just want you to know, you are not alone in your experience. (((hugs))) And it's why I spend way too much time on the internet. lol
thank you all for your wonderful support... my partner has been traveling for busniess all week, but is back home now and i think my anxiety attack has passed as well, so now that im thinking clearly (lol) i wanted to make sure i added a post here to let you girls know how much i appriciate your kind words, it really does make all the diffrence just to know that your not the only one, even if you are the only one in your area. i keep holding out hope that we will find a support group around here but based on the reactions of the last one we went to id just as well be here by ourselves... i will never understand people who preach love, but pratice hate. where in the bible, or anywhere else these people are getting their information from, does it say "judge your neghibor" or "treat children as outcasts because they look diffrent than your children" are there any christians left out there that would love the people jesus loved most.. the outcasts, the ones diffrent from socioty, the ones that dont think exactly like you do!!! its all very frustrating for me. i try to teach my children to love everyone because thats what jesus teaches...love your neghibor, love your enemy... it makes it very difficult to explain why the chruch play group we went to cant find it intheir hearts to be civil to my kids just because their skin is a diffrent color or the family we have isnt exctaly like their own... **sigh** you guys are right, sometimes its better to just enjoy the company of family and not worry about the rest of the world! sorry that wassnt supposed to turn into another rant/vent.. you guys are the best
I wish you all lived by me. :cry: Maybe we should all move??? What a great group of friends we would be.
