Mistake of venting to husband

learningnest · #1 07-15-2008, 10:38 PM

Okay...I am feeling totally frustrated and need advice...

I suppose over the course of this year I have vented my frustrations (not daily, but occasional) to my husband about homeschooling/staying at home etc. etc.

Now his argument is that (and I quote) "if you are so miserable being at home with the kids, then just put them in school and be done with it!!!"

So - do you homeschool moms not have bad days, does your husband listen empathetically, do you vent elsewhere??? Counsel me on a better approach to the frustrations of homeschooling.

I understand that there will always be frustrating days -- even at an outside job....

kbabe1968 · #2 07-15-2008, 10:47 PM

First...consider your audience...

LOL

MOST (note not all) Dads have absolutely no clue about what our day to day life looks like. I mean, think about it, when they spend the day with the kids are they cleaning, doing laundry, cooking the meals AND schooling the kids? NO! So they just can't even comprehend it!

I always preface to my husband "I'm not giving up,but I need to vent". In our house, homeschooling is NOT a choice, and I do not have the option of giving up. Let him know that when you have those days, you don't need to hear you have an out, you need his loving support...encouragement for how well they are doing...praise for what he thinks of you as a wife, a mom and a teacher.

The whole "ship em off to school" never enters our vocabulary, we've taken it off the table and neither of us is allowed to say it.

Also, I do most of my venting and questioning/worrying with other homeschool moms - either IRL or here. THEN, if I really need to, I vent to him or ask for another perspective on the situation.

HTH.

learningnest · #3 07-15-2008, 10:54 PM

Thanks Krista! Yes, that did help. I just begin to feel I shouldn't have bad days...or that is what his tone of voice implies.

He and I both know that pschool is not an option, but because I vented that I need a break/time away..instead of stepping up and giving me the hour or two I need away he automatically "solves" the problem by putting them in school. Which he knows good and well that I won't do.

Uuuggg...times like this...I wonder about him! LOL

Lisa · #4 07-15-2008, 10:55 PM

Seriously... I'm not even sure that my husband even listens to me when I vent

I think I would just explain to him that you love what you're doing but occasionaly you do have a bad day. Then just try to do more bragging than venting. Husbands tend to want to fix things, so in his mind he probably thinks you want a solution when all you want is someone to listen.

I'm very careful about who I vent about hs'ing to. I pretty much limit it to other hs moms who I know love it as much as I do..... but who also have bad days and can sympathize. Other people usually do have an attitude of 'just don't do it then!'

2CalvertKids · #5 07-15-2008, 11:03 PM

Gosh, are you married to my husband?? If so, you can have him! LOL

I get the same thing. Anytime I get frustrated over curriculum (for instance, tonight I found out that Calvert has pushed back their publishing date for their new math book until the END of August. That will absolutely not work for me. At all!) he says similar things like your dh. I just try to ignore him. He has no idea what the pressure of being responsible for what your child will be learning - his whole EDUCATION - is all about. My dh compares it to his work. HA! What human's future is he responsible for???

Laja656 · #6 07-15-2008, 11:11 PM

Around here, my husband is the enforcer.

I do what I can... I try all the typical methods to get done what needs to get done... but we all know there are days when it's just not gonna happen!

On those days (after all my attempts have failed) I write down -- and have my oldest write it himself -- anything that they're giving me trouble on (yelling, fighting, not doing their work, not cleaning their room, etc, etc, etc).

When dad gets home, he checks the board & takes care of it from there.

learningnest · #7 07-15-2008, 11:24 PM

Rebecca - I have already contemplated giving my dh away!

I really appreciate everyone's response..it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one with a dh that acts like a pig --- haha LOL.......

No, really - I appreciate the words of wisdom and knowing I am not completely nuts to be offended by his quick fixes...

AussieMum · #8 07-15-2008, 11:35 PM

I think there will always be good days and bad days, with anything, and we sure have both around here. So you are not alone.
We are like someone else said, ps is just not an option for us. I think too, we have been hs long enough now that dh can see the benefits of hs, for all of us. But in the early days that certainly wasn't the case....
My dh is great mostly - he is the 'supportive non teaching parent' (his self given title), and also the 'bad substitute teacher' (also self given). He does whatever I ask him too, although mostly his role is supporting me, enforcing discipline with the kids, and helping around the house. No, you can't have him, lol
I guess also remember that it is in man's nature to fix things. In his mind you are telling him your problems so that he can fix them!

RoadRunner · #9 07-16-2008, 01:28 AM

Rule #1 Husbands are result oriented and they don't take hints.

Maybe preface your venting with saying, "I have had a bad day today and I need to vent. I still want to homeschool but I just need some encouragement and support from you".

Yeah, I know.

But husbands don't take hints. Most of them, anyway. I am so lucky that my hubby has been a stay at home dad for the past 5 years while I have worked full time, so he knows what it entails to stay home.

dawninns · #10 07-16-2008, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by learningnest

Thanks Krista! Yes, that did help. I just begin to feel I shouldn't have bad days...or that is what his tone of voice implies.

He and I both know that pschool is not an option, but because I vented that I need a break/time away..instead of stepping up and giving me the hour or two I need away he automatically "solves" the problem by putting them in school. Which he knows good and well that I won't do.

Uuuggg...times like this...I wonder about him! LOL

It's extreme reasoning. Seems to be a manly thing. If you say you need help vacuuming they'll decide the only choice is to rip up the carpet. Why do they do this? Because they know that choice is ridiculous and you'll fall back on the other choice - that you do all the vacuuming.

You've simply got to present them with only one option. "I need a few hours alone this week. When can you take the kids away for me?" If they put up a fuss simply answer it with the same question, "When can you take the kids away from me?" I've had to do this with my husband on occasion.