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  #11  
Old 04-10-2012, 02:36 PM
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Brooke Brooke is offline
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If I have learned anything in my almost 17 years as a wife, it is not to try to openly convince a man of anything. I don't know how this would look in your world, but here, if I plant a few seeds and he notices them, it usually will lead to him developing the same opinion.

And aside from that little pearl of wisdom, I agree with Amie's way of suggesting a trial run. You are wise to start researching early. It might take a while for your Dh to entertain the notion.
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  #12  
Old 04-10-2012, 02:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Actressdancer View Post
So... couple of things.
Ask for a trial period.
Ask him to respect you enough to not send a message when this is the sort of thing that requires open dialogue.
Ask him to list his objections, specifically, so you can address them.

Yes, it's partly his decision too, of course. But I have very little patience for men who put their foot down with no clear reason or opportunity for conversation. So if this sounds harsher than I intend, that's why and I'm sorry.
I think your ideas are very good.

BUT it is NOT "partly" his decision! HE is the head of the household; he is responsible to God for the direction of the family. Yes, I also have little patience with men who make decisions without a clear reason, etc. If you do as suggested and he STILL says no, then I feel you must follow that. Otherwise, it will drive a wedge between you. Guarding your marriage is your first responsibility. Plus, if he says no, you can always pray about it and let God change his mind.

(OK, dodging tomatoes now!!!)
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  #13  
Old 04-10-2012, 03:19 PM
MPWife MPWife is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackie View Post
I think your ideas are very good.

BUT it is NOT "partly" his decision! HE is the head of the household; he is responsible to God for the direction of the family. Yes, I also have little patience with men who make decisions without a clear reason, etc. If you do as suggested and he STILL says no, then I feel you must follow that. Otherwise, it will drive a wedge between you. Guarding your marriage is your first responsibility. Plus, if he says no, you can always pray about it and let God change his mind.

(OK, dodging tomatoes now!!!)
Won't get any tomatoes thrown by me. While my husband and I make decisions a different way I respect what you are saying and I do agree that guarding my marriage is the number one priority. And I do take into account that he is the bread winner and he makes it possible for me to be a sahm, so if he is really dead set against it when it comes time to enroll our child, then at least I know he is on board with a religious school.
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  #14  
Old 04-10-2012, 03:46 PM
Cornish Steve Cornish Steve is offline
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In general, we men are not going to read websites or books or consult studies if recommended by others. What will help is discussing the matter with other men who homeschool - which may then lead to independent study over the Internet. Do you have friends with whom you can discuss the matter?

While I don't mean to stereotype, your joint decision to homeschool must ultimately be your husband's idea - even if it's really yours. Personally, I was the more gung-ho in our family, even though much of the burden of work fell on my wife's shoulders.

Also, I was very put off by some very aggressive homeschoolers we knew at the time. They implied you had to do this and definitely not do that and all schools were evil. So, my other advice would be to discuss the matter with open-minded friends, not die-hard homeschoolers. Once again, what matters is the sense that your husband is blazing the trail and not just being led by others.

Finally, suggest ways in which your husband could lead. I took our children to work some days so they could learn what I do and perform some office tasks. I taught a course about Cornwall, the Celtic country from which we come. I enjoyed taking our son to homeschool baseball games. I especially liked the fact that friends and neighbors taught our children (art and Spanish) because it built a sense of community. Once you loosen the constraints of public education, it becomes exciting.
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Last edited by Cornish Steve; 04-10-2012 at 03:53 PM.
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  #15  
Old 04-10-2012, 04:00 PM
MPWife MPWife is offline
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Thank you for your advise Steve. I have no actual friends who homeschool. I am on my own as far as that goes. I do have one friend who is looking into it with me, but we are all military and we are probably not going to be living at the same base much longer. And I can see where you are coming from...men do not want to feel like they are being led or forced into anything. I really want him to be excited for this, or at the very least, open to the idea. I guess we wont really be able to discuss this until next year when he returns home. Then I will look into conferences and such and hopefully hook up with other HS families. I know if he talks to HS families who are aggressive about the idea it will turn him off in a second, so hopefully I can find a few families who are open-minded and who can share their experiences without coming off as extreme. Not sure if that made sense but I do see where you are coming from
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  #16  
Old 04-10-2012, 04:02 PM
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Steve, it reminds me of the time we were at my nephew's b-day party. My sil introduced me to a young woman who was interested in hs'ing, but whose husband was a public school teacher (in the same district as dh teaches in) and wasn't so sure. While we were talking in one room, Carl met HER husband in another. Somehow it was mentioned that we homeschool, so he started asking Carl questions. Of course, this guy HAD to bring up the "S" word! Carl looked him straight in the eye (knowing the public high school this man taught in) and said, "When you go back to school on Monday, I want you to take ten minutes of your lunch standing in the lunchroom, watching and listening to what's going on around you. Then call me, and let me know if that's REALLY the type of 'socialization' you want for your daughter." The man didn't have to say anything; he knew EXACTLY what Carl was talking about!
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  #17  
Old 04-10-2012, 05:30 PM
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I agree with Shelley. My husband was willing to let me try, but he wasn't really into it. We went to a homeschool convention were we sat in on a lecture. The guy giving it (his name doesn't come to mind right now) gave all kinds of studies and statistics detailing how well homeschooled kids do in proportion to their publicly and even privately schooled counterparts. From there, he has noticed lots of other ways that homeschooling is superior.
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  #18  
Old 04-10-2012, 05:45 PM
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I was lucky hsing was dh's idea when it came to pulling sd out of school. After praying and then really looking at the schools we both came to the conclusion that hsing would be better for dd. I hope that your dh will at least be open minded to doing some research and maybe trying for a year or two. The thing to remind him is that if it does not work you can always put them into ps or private school.
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  #19  
Old 04-10-2012, 08:01 PM
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Emma's#1fan Emma's#1fan is offline
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In general, I believe that major family decisions require two yeses; one from the husband and one from the wife. If there is a no from either spouse, then the answer should be no. Homeschooling is a lifestyle that will involve the family and not just the mom and child. Dad is also legally responsible for the child and will also have to deal with the comments, finances, and responsibility of homeschooling even is it is in a different way than Mom. Homeschooling is too big of a deal to not have your husband's go ahead.
I like the idea about a trial run.
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  #20  
Old 04-10-2012, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
If I have learned anything in my almost 17 years as a wife, it is not to try to openly convince a man of anything. I don't know how this would look in your world, but here, if I plant a few seeds and he notices them, it usually will lead to him developing the same opinion.
Yes! This is so true! We've been married 17 years, too.

I would have to agree with the others. At some point see if you can get him to agree on a trial run.
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