My ds is 11, almost 12, and is considered a "middle schooler". I have been noticing a lot lately that he seems really immature. More than I have ever noticed before. He still doesn't like to do anything for himself. Is constantly making annoying sounds and gestures (nothing inappropriate...just annoying). He behaves sometimes as though he is 5 years old. Can't cut his own meats or pastas, can't open cans with the can opener, etc. Which is more a thing of not wanting to, but even when he does try it on his own you can tell it is very awkward. Anyway, this is driving me and dh crazy! When he is with friends of the same age, it is noticable to us the difference in maturity. I don't know if this is something I can do anything about or what. I just am concerned that maybe I am not doing all I should to help him grow and mature. I guess I am just venting but if anyone has any thoughts, please share them with me! Thanks...
I feel this way with Ansley, 14, too sometimes. I wonder if it is because they don't have to keep up with other kids their age like in ps. Some days I think she is maturing and other times I am like oh my. But in all reality the world makes kids grow up too fast so I guess as long as they can be kids we should let them. I have a friend who decided that her 11 year old daughter was too old to have Barbies or Brat dolls. Ansley still has them and does play with them every once in a while. I don't see anything wrong with it. She will be an adult soon enough I am afraid. But sometimes I do wonder if we protect them too much homeschooling. Lorna
Well Leslie, I don't think it's just boys. I am with Lorna, they will grow up fast enough let them be kids now. I see it sometimes in my dd's it depends on there moods. Sometimes they will do it other times they can't if you know what I mean. But, I love them and will be there for them like we all will be. They will be gone on there own before long. I never knew how to do alot of things until I was out on my owe. My mother didn't have time to show us everything with 11 kids. So, don't worry Leslie they will learn and do it if they have too and when the time comes for them to do it.
Leslie, is your son around other boys his age like boy scouts or socor or anything? As for him learning to cut his own meat, we have just recently let the kids start doing that (we've got salad getting pushed of the plate and so on because they aern't that great yet) but we are incouraging them, I think my 5 yo could use the can opener but not my 9 yo, its just skill on that, and if you have an automatic or hand held one (ours is hand held). If you want your son to gain strength in those skills just keep making him practice, use a butter knife to have him cut pancakes, let him use a regular knife to help you cut carrot coins for dinner, etc..... Each child will "bloom" in his or her own time.
Yes, Amy...he played football this season and that just finished up. He will be doing tennis this winter. So he is around other boys his age. You know after reading these responses and thinking about it more, I realize I should actually be thankful that he is able to come into maturity on his own time. That he is not being influenced by others to be someone he is not. And now, just hearing me say this...that is why we pulled him out of ps school to begin with. He couldn't handle the pressure of being like everyone else. DUH! I lost sight of that for a moment! LOL I need to be thankful that he is a strong, smart, heathy boy who is blessed to be hsed and able to grow "into himself" on his own time. Right? Thanks for helping me think that through! I am feeling much better! But am still going to work on his "kitchen" skills!LOL
i agree with everything said so far, let them be kids as long as they can, 11 is still a child and its ok to act childish at times. as far as the self care skills go just make him keep practicing, and dont rescue him... let him struggle with the can opener for as long as he can stand it before getting frustrated, offer guidance, but dont take it out of his hands. also be mindful of pressuring him to "act his age" one of the most common reasons for adolecents to regress in social behaviour is parents and teachers stressing them to act a certin way and we all know if you tell them exactly how to go about doing somthing they will go everyway but that one to get there!!
I got a pampered chef one and he is better with that one though........but before that he had fits with it!
My kids, even the 15yo sometimes, still prefer me to do the opening of cans. We have a Pampered Chef can opener also, but for some reason it's not working well now, and we haven't had it that long. That gets frustrating to them, cuz we have to go around and around until finally it loosens everything up enough to pull the lid off! I feel this way sometimes with my ds13. But I've realized that he's home and able to learn these things in a loving environment, rather than being labeled, teased or getting in trouble at school! Then I sigh, and pray for patience! :lol:
How many mechanical types of activities does he participate in Leslie? Put a screwdriver and a hammer in his hand for a bit. And something to work on. Teach him some basic skills with basic hand tools. As an example I am a locksmith so I had my son start yanking all of our doorknobs out and taking them apart etc when he was 5, now he has exceptional mechanical skills for an 11 year old. One day he will be able to master the dreaded can opener! That one still eludes me at times and I just get my trusted buck knife out! (When camping.) Otherwise I get my wife around the home. :lol:
You know...not many, Don. And actually, he just got invited to join Boy Scouts with a friend. He says he doesn't want to, but I think it could really be good for him. He is SOOO into his computer/video games. And even though we have limits to how much he plays, that is still all he can focus on. I actually have just grounded him indefinitely from all his games for lack of responsibility. We have been gone visiting family out of town, and he was allowed to bring a backpack of things for him to do while there. Well, because of his lack of responsibility (and laziness) he left it all there...including his contacts and solution, which he needs! Anyway, I am so fed up with this that I told him I was going to HELP him learn responsibility by taking the things he likes away from him until he can learn to take care of things himself. Boy! How amazing it is that he all of the sudden knows all the things he needs to be doing!! LOL Well, I am rambling now, but to answer your question, maybe I need to look into some more mechanically involved things for him. Thanks.
That IS a good idea. I need that for my boys too! Wonder what I can look for??? For my oldest, I want to find an auto mechanics class, actually, maybe for both of them! What other ideas could we all try?
Our ds1 (age 7) tends to like to have things done for him as well. Come to think of it, so does our ds2 (nearly five y.o.). At this point, I don't know if it is my fault or not, as I tend to just do things myself (this just recently came to my attention). I am trying to teach them to do more for themselves. We let them use a knife (butter knife, of course) when eating, and are teaching them the proper usage. They helped me fold the laundry this morning and put it away. Of course, it would've 'looked better' had I done it alone, but I'm trying to 'loosen up' and let them learn more responsibility and life skills.
I hear you on that. I like things to be done a certain way. But I just remind myself that it is more important to teach my kids these things rather than how good it looks when it is done. I will have plenty of time when they are gone to do it MY way! LOL We are making some progress, too, with my ds. I am learning the 'how to' part of teaching which is helping his 'how to' part of learning.
Me, too!! I finally decided not to look in the kids closets/drawers, so I don't know how it looks. My kids fold their own clothes (except the 2yo), and I just let it go. If I didn't my life would be consumed with laundry. It is important to let them learn to do things themselves. If it's something that I just "can't" let go, I make sure the kids don't see me fix it.
My boys (ages 13 & 15) do their own laundry now. I combine dd9's with dh's and mine. So my laundry is now easier to get done! DD9 sorts her clothes, and usually folds them and puts them away. So my main concern now is dh's and my stuff, which I can handle! Now, getting the boys to fold their clothes right away is something else. I see it dumped in their room somewhere, all wrinkled up, 2 days after they should have been done.......So, we're working on that, but really, they do fairly well with it. Every once in awhile I have them pull everything out of their drawers and refold it (if it's folded at all), and put it away neatly, just so they remember what it looks like to have a half-way neat drawer!
