If anyone besides me tries to hold the baby (20 days old), the baby screams and won't have it. The worst part is, he is doing this to my husband. By tonight, dh seemed quite upset over it. DH has spent tons of time with the baby. He even works from home. DH has been more involved with this baby than I think any dad could be. DH takes care of him alone a lot. I mean, I will be in the house, but elsewhere and dh is holding him and caring for him. DH changes most of his diapers. On that note, the baby even gets upset if I stop holding him at all. So really, he is upset if he is awake and realizes I am not holding him. It does not matter if someone else is holding him or if he is laying down or in the swing or whatever. He screams like he is paniced if he is not being held by me. Anyone make anything of this? He is my 5th and I have not had a baby before that acts like this. I wonder if he really is paniced. I was on lots of meds when he was born (the complications I posted about before) and am getting off them now so maybe he is having withdrawal? Or could this just be his temprament?
I'm not going to claim to have a medical answer here (read: I wouldn't rule out withdrawal) but this is actually more normal than you'd think. My middle son was exactly the same. The hard truth of it is that babies need mom more than they need dad at this age. They will be closer to mom and it's ok. I'm sure the stress of his birth only intensified this "problem." Quin "snapped out of it" around 9 months old and now he's a total daddy's boy. Your little one's behavior now is no indication of his long term relationship with his father. Your DH just needs to be patient and try not to be hurt (I know it's about impossible). Forcing the issue will only make it worse, trust me. You said you wonder if he really is panicked. The answer is most likely yes. Young infants are incapable of manipulation (no matter what mainstream garbage you hear to the contrary). They don't have the mental capacity for it. They only know how to express needs. True needs. If he is screaming like that and you're the only one who can ease his discomfort, then he really does need you. Babywearing was my salvation. I could "hold" him and still do anything else I needed to. Most of the time I would slip the sling over my head and lay him down when he fell asleep, still in the sling, so I could simply slip it back on when he awoke. As he finds a curiosity about the world around him, his need to be held at all times will subside. Enjoy being the center of his universe now, because it won't last and you'll miss it when he outgrows you
Well, it could be his temperament. My firstborn was like that--thankfully, not with DH, but he cried with everyone else. My in-laws used to get so upset, as if he was rejecting them personally :roll:. Of course as a first-time mom, I didn't have anything to compare it to. I thought all babies must be that way to some degree. He was clingy that way throughout his early childhood. It was hard to ever leave him in the church nursery, or at preschool or anywhere...though, again, he did stay well with his dad. Then my second born was the complete opposite--went to anyone and everyone with huge smiles. Except for my dad...he was afraid of his beard! But once dad shaved it off, they were best buds. Makes me wonder what this next baby will be like! Hopefully your little guy's just going through a stage and it'll pass when he's a little older.
My 2nd child was much like that. I'm sure you will get much advice on how to handle it. I believe in attachment parenting, and held my dd whenever possible. (How I wish slings had been around when she was a baby!!) She was by far the most demanding baby I had. She is now the most independent child that I have. So I believe that giving her the security that she needed as a baby/toddler created a secure child. My dd was 2 before she completely outgrew it, but whe did adjust to others- just preferred me. It is interesting that there was some trauma at birth. My dd was born with fluid in her lungs and spent 4 days in the NICU. I couldn't nurse for the first 2 days. I wonder if things like that do affect babies long term?
My youngest dd cryed when anyone but me picked her up also, but I NEEDED a break some times so hubby would step in and take over. you know after nursing the baby, changing diapers, and staying up ALL night long bc they need you, you just need someone to give you a breather. MY dd would cry with hubby but after a while (and it took a few weeks) things got better and she would not cry. I would tell hubby to still keep doing what he is and in time he will get used to having daddy around:angel: may be also you need to have daddy and the other older children hold the baby in a baby back carrier ( i don't know the right name) and that way the baby could get used to every one (just a thought)
Hi, I've been lurking for the past few weeks but your post was so familiar that I wanted to respond. I had a baby who was like this and it wasn't until several years later that we put the pieces together and realized that he had a very hyper-responsive sensory system. Both the good and bad were very heightened to him--odors, people smells, clothing, food textures, motion, positions, lights, sounds, etc. I wish we'd recognized it right away because it sure would have made our lives easier! My husband didn't hold my little guy for even ten minutes until he was a month old. We found two things that helped in that department. The first was for anyone else holding the baby to also hold a garment I'd worn near his face so he could have a mama smell nearby. The second was swaddling him up tightly papoose-style. My mom made some oversized lightweight baby sheets (he was 10 lb 5 oz so the receiving blankets didn't work) and I would swaddle him tightly in the blanket with his arms down to his side. I know not all parents are wild about doing this but the combination of his arms not flailing around anymore and the closed in feel of the blanket was very soothing to him and I could at least put him down sometimes. I also found that if I laid him down swaddled and played a quiet lullaby tape on repeat it would help drown out the noises that must have been more irritating to him. I don't in any way mean to suggest that there might be something amiss with your baby, but some babies are simply born with sensory systems that need a little more time to develop while others are born with sensory systems that are more acute and recognizing if can really be a big help to exhausted mommies. I wish I could tell you that things got better soon but the truth is it was a challenging year. That baby simply needed far more mama for that first year than my others and since that's what it took to meet his needs, that's what I did. Hang in there--I know you must be exhausted. One more piece of advice: stock up on paper plates and anything else that will save you time! Pippen
My firstborn was like that. Babywearing helped tremendously. He also had some sensory issues. I had one friend that he would scream everytime we saw him and we could never figure out why. My son slowly changed over a few years and by age 3 he was much more comfortable. He was a high needs baby and is now a high needs child. He needs lots of attention. I would try having your husband wear one of your shirts. If they won't fit I would try wearing some of your husband's shirts and then give them to your husband to wear. That way the scent of you may comfort him when he is with his dad.
