Looking Over My Shoulder

[OKmom]

I really needed to vent, and I'll apologize now if I ramble. I just thought many here would have similar experiences.....

Yesterday, I got together with my two sisters and their kids (3 girls/each)--they're all on Spring Break. We were celebrating one nieces' birthday and all went to the movies. One of my sisters is very supportive of our homeschooling, one works as a teacher's aide at the public school and thinks we're making a huge mistake. (We've only decided to homeschool about 4 months ago)

Everytime I'm with my sister that works at the school I feel like she's checking up on me. One of the first things she says to my kids (EVERYTIME!) is, "So, what did you learn today?" I know she's just trying to find something to pick at me about. If they say they learned about the weather, she quizzes them. Thankfully, my kids are doing really well and answer everything she throws at them. It just frustrates me! She's made it very clear that she thinks we're doing a terrible injustice to our kids to keep them at home rather than go to public school. We got into a heated debate about it right at the start.

My other sister told me I should start doing that with her kids each time I see them. ("So, what did you learn in school today?" and see how long she likes it.)

I guess I'm just frustrated with her opposition to homeschooling. I've tried to educate her about why we made the decision and the positives that can come from it, but she's worked in public school so long that they've brainwashed her.

Sorry for venting, I just thought this was the best place to get this off my chest.

[Brooke]

All I can say is "Amen and amen!" There are those who just don't get it. And their convictions are often based on a lack of knowledge about homeschooling and fear of the unknown. I think that there really isn't any way you can "convert" her. She is just goning to have to see over time that the myths she believes are being dispelled before her eyes. It will take time. My mom has had to go through that same process and she is not so bad about it now.

I do like you other sister's idea. I think that I would start to ask her kids, too, unless she has a child who would feel pressured or isn't performing well and she is just as hard on them as she is on your kids about the pop quizes. A better idea might be to ask "So what did your children learn in school today? You do quiz them daily just as you do mine, don't you?" I think she would get the idea :wink: .

[TinaTx]

I always tell *newbies*, people are down on what they are not up on. :wink: ....

I guess if I knew my sister was doing it because she was being vicious, I wouldn't stand for it. I don't *check in* with my sisters concering me and dh decision to homeschool. Besides, I want to protect my children. Even if its from my own family :cry:

Sometimes our kids are openly watching as we protect them, other times they are not aware, for their own good. I would not let them know if you can handle the situation without them knowing. Imho, it would foster more love and respect for your sister as their aunt.

My first suggetion would be to confront her *outside* the presence of the children. I am a *straight shooter* so I would just ask her. *Are you checking on my kids? Or are you really interested in what we are learning? I would love for you to come to the house one day and sit in on a couple of our homeschooling days..*

Who knows maybe since ya'll did get into a heated debate, her pride may be in the way of curiosity?

If you know for sure its not, then I told my sister * I WILL NOT be a product of cultural warping*

You know with one of my sisters, she was afraid of the thought. She was warped into thinking that only trained professionals should touch our children. So I HAD to exude TONS of confidence when I started, even though I was shaking in my boots :shock:

I DID KNOW this much, God gave THESE kids to ME. I DID know what they liked and dislked and each trait of their personality. Just as I had learned that part of their personality, I too could learn their academic strengths and weaknesses.

So, if it turns into a heated debated, then you and dh need to prepared RIGHT THEN what you will say.. If its better to curtail your association or NONE at all.

Your children should not be persecuted by family members for a decision that is one of the best you can make for them..

You need to have some options in mind and STICK TO them...

Does that help?

[cowpokemary]

I homeschool with a Mother who is a retired teacher and two "big" sisters who are currently teaching! Take a deep breath and stand your ground! by the way I live near Cyril, where are you?

[Jackie]

Tina's at it again :D ! I think all of need a Tina in our life toboost us up when we need it (and to help kick-start us sometimes, too, LOL!) If I'd invite someone to watch, you KNOW they'd pick a day when the dishwasher goes out, the youngest one has a virus and it's coming out both ends, the dog decides to track most of the inside outside, and it takes an hour to get through one line of simple addition, KWIM? :roll:

Believe me, it DOES get easier, especially when they see what's going on and how seriously you take it and that your kids aren't falling behind (heck, they're probably excelling!!!). My in-laws sure don't say much about it anymore. No, they still don't agree, but they're no longer openly antagonistic. And the time I had to go somewhere and left the kids with them I sent some work for them to do. My FIL made my youngest turn off the TV, because the middle one couldn't finish her math without being distracted, LOL! The TV came back on AFTER the math was finished!

[Brenda]

OKmom,

That is such a common song that so many home schooling parents hear at some point while taking their child's best interest to heart.

The bottom line for you should be (sorry if I seem to be pushy) your children, their health, welfare and education. If your sister doesn't like what you're doing with them - that's her loss not yours. You are doing what you feel is the best for them and you are to be commended for it.

Your sister is only one of many (unfortunately) who will voice an opinion that you shouldn't be doing this to your child... Dig in and stand up for what you believe in. If you felt called to home school - make that point known to others - you'd be surpirsed at how many may back off and leave you alone (and it also allows you the opportunity to witness to others). I had to do that last year, when I was being pressured by the local school board to put my middle son back into school. They pressured me unbelievably hard and when I stood my ground and told them it was what I felt to be a calling, they backed off.

I'm not sure if it ever gets easier - others might be better at answering that one. But you have a large group of people here who do support you and will listen to you vent (thank you ladies).

Brenda

PS I like the idea of questioning your sister's children - what did you learn today? That would probably send her a message and she would probably stop. She may be insecure about home schooling because of a lack of information about it. As times goes on, she'll see for herself what it is to homeschool and what it does for each individual child.

[TinaTx]

Jackie...

ROFL ROFL :lol: Better watch what I say eh???? Yep it would be just like her to come on the day the kid *has a virus on both ends* :shock: :P

You mean like today......we tried to start and grandma came by to see the grandkids, then talk about her new makeup for her skin that will work just right, yada, yada, yada,, not to mention our homeschooling buddy came by only to say *oh are ya'll finished yet* (when we hadn't got started) and then dh walks in from work early cause he decides he wants to see the kids..

One of those kinds of day? :lol:

[Mom2ampm]

Everyone has wonderful advice so I won't go on and on.....Just wanted to say that I also would quiz her kids every time I saw them. That would surely get on my nerves and I wouldn't put up with it.

[Brooke]

You know, Tina, my hubby works a rotating schedule and I have just had to concede that the days he is off are NO SCHOOL days! Well, we usually get something accomplished, I have just given myself permission to not feel guilty if we don't. 8)

[KrisRV]

OK Mom I have been going through the same thing with my family, they are so against it, it's not funny. They do the same things to my children and it got to the point I took some of these wonderful ladies advice and make very little contact with them. It was a hard cholce to do, as we were close before I started homeschool. But, I had to do what was right for my children not them. Hang in there. Let them know you are doing the right thing and don't let them get to you and force you to put the children back into a public school. That's what my one sister told me the other day she would talk to me again and invite me to famly things if I put my children back into a public school. Guess What I wouldn't do it, for that reason. You see I have sister's and niece who are public school teacher. I should say went to school to be a teacher but now they are stay at home mothers who run day cares and put there children in a public school. FUNNY isn't it.
ANY way my DD's are doing wonderful and growing well. Is what I tell them. When they call. :lol:

[Trish]

I just wanted to say that I feel people watch me because of Vicki having ADHD, ODD, Sleeping Disorders and Mood Disorders. I feel like watch to see how I react to everthing she does. I think people thinks she should be in public school but I don't feel like she should. She couldn't handle the stress. It is not easy feeling like you are being watched and judged.

[Jackie]

Trish, did you say something "once upon a time" about Vicki's diet? Someone suggested checking into Faythe's diet, something I've had in the back of my mind for a while now. This lady uses the "Fein.....something" diet.....???????

[Brenda]

Trish,

There is a boy here locally who made the headlines of our local paper because he was kicked out of school (grade 7) because he is ADHD!!!

I do not believe (and can't be convinced) that public school is a good place for any child to be much less a child who is ADHD (my Andrew is ADHD, ODD, etc) and the public school has been his worst enemy. As long as a chiold 'toes the line' and does what is asked of them, they'll be fine, but if the child so much as deviates even a small bit, the child is doomed (I could take forwever describing horror story after horror story). How is that supposed to help a child grow?

Hang in there. As long as your child grows and learns...I wouldn't worry too much. They'll grow into productive adults despite what others may think.

Brenda

[TinaTx]

Brooke...

I wholeheartedly agree, when dh is off , school is OUT :lol: .......go with the flow.......Geeze that is why we homeschool year round anyway.. :wink:

[Brooke]

I think you are referring to the Feingold diet, maybe??? It was popularized for ADHD in possibly the 70's. My son was previously diagnosed ADHD (primarily hyperactivity/impulsivity) and I asked his Dr. about it. His doc said that there were people who swore by it and others that said it didn't help. He is all for whatever means it takes to help the child and said it wouldn't hurt to try it. Well, we didn't, but the same doc after a year said that he didn't believe ADHD was an accurate diagnosis because once our home stablized ds didn't have any symptoms. He has Tourette's Syndrome also and I'm sure it helped to get him over some of the ADHD symptoms when we got that more managable.

Tina, we are going to be schooling over the summer for that reason, too. I finally feel like we are settling in nicely with much less stressing over the small stuff.

[Trish]

Jackie,
Vicki isn't really on a diet. We try not give her caffiene or to much chocolate. Vicki is picky about what she eats till I have to let her eat. She loves raw vegetables and I let her eat all them she wants. I know that is good for her.
Let me know about some of these diets. I can see what Vicki might eat and try one. Thanks

[Jackie]

Yes that's it, thanks!!! (I knew I could count on someone here to know for me, LOL!) The lady I was talking with said that when she put her daughter on it (and the rest of the family to some degree) they ALL had some kinds of "symptoms" disapear. So I figure it wouldn't hurt Faythe. I also know that a little caffeine will sometimes help if a child is truely ADHD. Well, the other night DH took the kids to his mom's right before bedtime. All three got a can of pop, but only Faythe had caffeine. Guess which one was out like a light when they got in bed?

[Trish]

What is this diet about. How do you do it? I also have a question isn't Ritalin and other ADHD medicines suppose to hype them up. Doesn't that counter react with the ADHD. What I am trying to say is isn't the medicine kind of like speed but it reacts as to slow them down. I hope that makes sense.

[Jackie]

Exactly, Trish. The drug works the opposite on ADHD children than it would on others. The gal that in the classroom next to me actually had a child with a prescription for a cup of tea when she was getting out of control, because the caffeine in the tea would calm her down, and they were trying to keep her off of drugs. That's why I found it interesting that my Faythe went right to sleep after a can of Vanilla Coke.

[becky]

Jackie, keep Faythe away from the Mountain Dew. It is loaded with caffeine, moreso than the colas.
I forgot all that and gave Jeannie some diet MD CodeRed a few days ago. Just 1/2 an hour later she was out of sorts, misbehaving, acting like she couldn't focus. I thought she needed to go potty but wasn't saying so.
Later at lunch she had more, and even later at snacktime she had more, for a total of 1 1/2 cans. She wouldn't nap and was a mess all evening and didn't get to sleep until 3a.m.
We normally drink diet pepsi and that doesn't affect her.

I will never make that mistake again.

[Brooke]

Another way to look at the stimulant use for ADHD is that their brains are in need of stimuli and quickly and constantly are seeking that stimuli. Caffeine or medication gives the brain the thought that it is being stimulated and therefore the brain can "rest".

Like I said, my ds was misdiagnosed with ADHD when he really needed less stress and more real stimulation mentally. Homeschooling did all of that for him! He was not getting satisfied with mundane work at ps and since homeschooling he is in more control of what he learns and can get satisfied for real rather than popping pills that were making his brain think that it was stimulated...until the need for the next pill came. I love ds's specialist!!!! We have found one of the best child psychiatrists around!

[Jackie]

I use to drink Dew when I was teaching. At that time, I thought it was caffeine-free, since it was clear!!! Well, when I found out how WRONG I was, I stopped. THAT WAS HARD!!! I would only have one can a day, during my lunch at school. When I quit, I found myself so WORN OUT about 1:30 each day. I went back on it a little after getting married, but quit cold-turkey when I found out I was expecting Rachael. I had a student whose older brother had just had a baby, and he was very concientious about it. Every time he saw me with pop, he'd warn me, "That better not have caffeine in it!!!!" Then they came out with caffeine-free Dew, and I would do that a bit. But now, we try not to keep pop in the house at all.

None of my kids get pop on a regular basis, with or without. They usually get a can of something when we visit DH's parents. My MIL!!! She's always asking me about when we're going to have a "more healthy" diet, but always keeps the cupboard stocked with all the stuff my kids don't get at home..... :roll: .

[Anne]

Way back in the 60s, when my Mom was expecting me, she drank LOTS of Mountain Dew!!! The funny thing is, of all her kids, I'm the least active. Never hyper. Loved to curl up with books, had to be told to go outside and play!

And I can't stand the taste of Mountain Dew!!! LOL :lol:

Of course, by the time I was grown, married and expecting a long awaited baby, I'd read all the info. on caffeine and quit drinking Coca-cola cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. Didn't touch caffeine my whole pregnancy. Guess whose ds is super active, very squirmy, etc.? Yep! (Some folks have asked if he's hyperactive. I just think he's a boy who needs to move!)

Caffeine - go figure!

:D

[Trish]

I didn't drink caffenine while I was pregrant with Vicki. She wasn't an active baby in the womb. They did an extra ultrasound because she was so still. Now you can't get her to slow down. I wonder if I had been better off seeing how much caffenine I could drink.

[homescoolmom24]

Hey, I know how you feel! My sister has always opposed my homeschooling! It is hard when your family doesn't support you! But you have to stand your ground and realize no one knows what is best for your children but you! My sister never has anything good to say about homeschooling! it is always negative! Just keep the faith!