My daughter

[Vicky]

My 12 year old is having problems fitting in with her new youth goup. She is the only youth at our church so we have started putting her in a church youth group about 6 miles away. She isn't usually shy, but she has become very shy. I try to go with her on trips and events to help her get to know the other kids. She knows a few of the kids, and they all like her and want her to come. I want her to make friends her own age. How can I make her understand that she needs this. Like I said she is the only youth in our church the next one even close to her is her little brother, and he is 3 years away from the youth. We live in the woods and the closest person to us is about 1 mile away.

[Brooke]

She might benefit from some one-on-one time with a girl from her group to form a closer connection. I used to have trouble making friends in a "crowd", too....funny how life changes! :o

Have you considered doing other activities with that church or do you know if there are other homeschooling kids in her youth group? There might be a connection for you there as well that the Lord wants to bless you with. We recently switched churches because of the former church's stagnant stance on reaching out to our local community. They were also anti-homeschooling. Our new church is about 8 miles away, but it believes that we need to be actively pursuing youth, and everyone, and it has at least 10 homeschooling families! What a blessing it has been!

[Vicky]

I wish we had a church like that. No she is the only one that I know of that is homeschooled. Our pastor is going to homeschool his kids when they get old enough. She loved playing soccer this year and made 4 very good friends. The season ended yesterday and now we will have to make plans to meet.
There is a girl that is her age in the youth group but they only have that in common. She invited her to a birthday party and less than an hour later she called me to come get her.
She fights and drags when its time to go on Wednesdays. I wonder if someone has said something to her to hurt her feelings. She is the youngest one in the group. Maybe I should wait a year and then try to get her involved again. I just don't know what to do. I pray for her everyday.

[KrisRV]

Vicky, I have a daughter just like that who will be 12 in Dec. She doesn't like to do anything new even if we are with her. But, once we get there she is shy and stays by me awhile then after awhile maybe a hour she will go check up on her sister and not end up coming back she will find someone to play with and then when I am ready to go she isn't. But, I do agree with Brooke you need to let her have some one on one with just one girl and let them play awhile then after awhile add another one in. It will work out. Also, let her know you are there and will always be there for her if she needs to talk or anything. Do you belong to a homeschooling group? If not have you thought about joining one they are wonderful for the kids. :lol:

[LifeLearner]

My 12 year old is having problems fitting in with her new youth goup. She is the only youth at our church so we have started putting her in a church youth group about 6 miles away. She isn't usually shy, but she has become very shy. I try to go with her on trips and events to help her get to know the other kids. She knows a few of the kids, and they all like her and want her to come. I want her to make friends her own age. How can I make her understand that she needs this. Like I said she is the only youth in our church the next one even close to her is her little brother, and he is 3 years away from the youth. We live in the woods and the closest person to us is about 1 mile away.

I honestly wouldn't push it, but wait for her to feel the need. Our kids lived with no friends until just over a year ago when we changed churches. They were 11 and 15. They were each others friends and it was great. The two little ones are great friends now too, I really see that as a postive thing. Friends are great, but not having friends "our own age" doesn't have to be a bad thing. We're all friends here, yet I bet we're a wide variety of ages. My closets friends are 7 yrs and 11 yrs younger than me.
Just a thought. :)

[LifeLearner]

She might benefit from some one-on-one time with a girl from her group to form a closer connection. I used to have trouble making friends in a "crowd", too....funny how life changes! :o

Have you considered doing other activities with that church or do you know if there are other homeschooling kids in her youth group? There might be a connection for you there as well that the Lord wants to bless you with. We recently switched churches because of the former church's stagnant stance on reaching out to our local community. They were also anti-homeschooling. Our new church is about 8 miles away, but it believes that we need to be actively pursuing youth, and everyone, and it has at least 10 homeschooling families! What a blessing it has been!

We just left a chuch like that, we were called in for truancy by church leadership! We have 3 (as of tomorrow lol) homeschooling familes and likely 4 by fall. It's not a lot, but just knowing that it's accepted means a lot.

[LifeLearner]

My closets friends are 7 yrs and 11 yrs younger than me.
Just a thought. :)

Brenda.. you would be the closet friend. ROFLOL
closeST that should be...

Glenda, the typo queen

[Brenda]

Glenda, realize it or not, we have more than just three (including me) home schooling families in our church and far more in the community.

There is you, us, Pam, Darla and then probably Sharon - those are the ones I know of just from our church - that doesn't even touch the other ones in the community and as word gets out (and maybe we get that store opened up) there will probably be more...
Brenda

[LifeLearner]

Glenda, realize it or not, we have more than just three (including me) home schooling families in our church and far more in the community.

There is you, us, Pam, Darla and then probably Sharon - those are the ones I know of just from our church - that doesn't even touch the other ones in the community and as word gets out (and maybe we get that store opened up) there will probably be more...
Brenda

When I counted the ones from church I didn't count Sharon cuz she's not doing it yet, and .. well... I kinda forgot to count.. ME. rofl. Yeah.It's been that kinda day.

I know the community of full of them, We attend a support group and the list of families that are involved in that is huge. Many of them are christians as well. But what I really enjoy is being in a church where it's ok to HS, and not treated like some kind of criminal activity!

[Lornaabc]

I feel Ansley doesn't have any hs friends. All the kids we do things with are girls but they are between 7-9. Ansley will be 13 in Aug. What a big difference. I am praying God will send the right girl for Ansley to be friends with when the time comes. That is all I can do.
I think just keep letting her go and maybe she will find someone to fit in with. It takes time to make friends. If they like her and are nice that is what matters the most.

Hang in there like I am trying to do.
Lorna

[LifeLearner]

I feel Ansley doesn't have any hs friends. All the kids we do things with are girls but they are between 7-9. Ansley will be 13 in Aug. What a big difference. I am praying God will send the right girl for Ansley to be friends with when the time comes. That is all I can do.
I think just keep letting her go and maybe she will find someone to fit in with. It takes time to make friends. If they like her and are nice that is what matters the most.

Hang in there like I am trying to do.
Lorna

It looks like a big difference to us, does it to her? Katelynne's closest friends are 8 and 10, she's 12 1/2. The girls her age are into that preteen mode, makeup, music, cute boys etc are their *thing*. Kate could care less about that and finds the younger girls far more her speed. Friendships are really far more interest based than age based.
Is she unhappy with having no friends? My son has no real friends. Guys he spends time with when he's at youth or church, but nobody that he does things with or would go so far as to call a friend even really. Thats just how he's built. It concerned me for a time, but I came to realize that it's just how he's built. His father is the same way. Odd ducks they are. :)
If you haven't already (and you likely have) give her a chance to tell you how she feels about friends and how she thinks would be the best way to go about finding some, if she wants them at all.

hope there is some small smackeral of helpfullness here for ya
Glenda

[becky]

Lorna, I have that worry about Jeannie, too. In all the classes she's in the ages are from 2-5 or 3-5, and most of the kids are younger than her. It's not doing much for her maturity, although it's not like she's wanting back in diapers. I worry that when she is in with older kids she will come off more like the younger ones she's around so much.

[Anonymous]

Ansley doesn't seem to think she has no real friends. Homeschooling 6 years now she is just used to the way things are. She never really says much about it. She calls some kids her best friends but they are the kids her age that we see maybe once a month at the most. They can't be best friends that way but it is all she has.

[LifeLearner]

Ansley doesn't seem to think she has no real friends. Homeschooling 6 years now she is just used to the way things are. She never really says much about it. She calls some kids her best friends but they are the kids her age that we see maybe once a month at the most. They can't be best friends that way but it is all she has.

If she's happy with it the way it is, I really wouldn't worry about it. She'll let you know when there's a need.

I lved for years with my best friend 3000 miles from me. We're still close friends, still that many miles apart. We haven't seen each other for something like 2 yrs now. It's hard, and for many years she was the only friend I had. Thankfully that is no longer true for me. Have I mentioned that I love my new church? :)

Glenda

[Lornaabc]

I am so glad you like your church. It makes it so much easier to go when you have friends.
Lorna