PUHLEEEZE!!!

[becky]

Would you girls give me some advice? At our library there is, in a corner specifically for those three and under, a huge Thomas the Tank Engine set. I can't tell you how many cars there are. It never fails that when Jeannie is there playing some kid comes up to her, takes whatever she's playing with, and goes on to hog the whole set!
Today two seven year olds burst in there, took every car there was, and refused to share. Another mom who had a little one there spoke up and asked these girls if they couldn't share just one car, and they gave her boy the most broken one there was. They refused to give Jeannie any. When I commented to Jeannie that that's not the way to share, here comes the mom. She notices the girls have all the cars, takes two for Jeannie, two for the other child and says 'There'. Then she walked away. She wasn't even out of eyesight and those two greedy girls started taking away the cars again.
I really don't know how to handle this. I don't want Jeanne walked all over, but I don't want her up in anybody's face, either. In order to get back the cars she had, I would have had to tell the other child she was wrong, and I'm not anxious to get in a match with someone's kid. I'm really disgusted with myself for not doing more. I told Jeannie it was nearing time to go, and we went for a snack before we left. What would you have done?

[moondancer7825]

That would be why I stay away from places where there are alot of older children. Like going to McDOnalds to let the kids play in the play gym and there are 13 and 14 year old kids playing in the center. I hate that. I so can not wait till public school starts and there are fewer unruely children to contend with.

I'm sorry that you have such a rough time at the library of all places. DO they have a volunteer in the area that you could talk to? Parents really should be responsible for monitoring their children's behavior but sometimes you have to pull in someone in charge to help the situation. Or you could politely remind the parents that the center is for children 3 and under. I've gotten upset enough before that I have spoken my mind to the kids which of course gets their parents involved (if they are even around) but typically the kids start to behave a little better.

Not much advice but I hope it helps some. And I hope you don't have to deal with that much more.

[Jackie]

I think I would have done one of two things. I might have gone and told the kids that THEIR MOTHER said they needed to share, and they aren't behaving very nicely, etc. and got the toys back. Or I may have just walked away with Jeanie and explained to her that (probably in a loud voice so the girls could hear it, I'm sorry to say!) that some children haven't been taught to share nicely and sometimes it's better to just walk away, etc.

[CrystalB9]

Not sure what the "right" thing to do is Becky, but I know what I would have done and what I do. Do all libraries have these sets?? Because ours has one too. First I dont let my older kids on. They came to read and can play at home. My younger kids can play due to their attention span and reading abilities not lasting as long. My 5 yr old is the size of a 3 yr old. She is very petite. Not every time, but on occassion another child will come up and take her toy. If we can put a parent with that child I let my daughter go tell his mommy. I know most kids wont do this, she maybe little but she is bold. That has worked before. There has also been times when I sit right there and will just keep taking the toy back for my little one. Most times the child that is not sharing gets frustrated with me and walks away. If I cant find their parent to tell them they are not sharing and my attempts to make him share are failing I will get a library aid. I want my kids to like the library. Its a place we visit often. I feel like if I allow this type of behavior then my kids wont want to come back. So I personally do everything I can to make my kids trip educational and fun! :wink:
Becky next time tell an aid if nothing else works. I know for me I would rather some stranger get a little "miffed" at me then ruin my kids library experiences.
I also have to tell you one visit when another child there wasnt being very quiet and was running around my kids and I were getting ready to leave. As we walked out my 7 yr old said to me and unknowingly also in front of the "bad" childs parent, she said mommy we'll have to pray for that little boy. I tried to hold my laughter until we reached the doors. :D

[becky]

At least we're not the only ones! I hate leaving when my child isn't the one being rude. I hate to see her get pushed around but at the same time I don't want to teach her to be pushy as well. Crystal, I'm not sure I would take a toy from a kid even if they were wrong. My fear would be the kid would make it out to be more than it was, especially the two nervy girls from yesterday. The mom was in plain view of all this carrying on, but she ignored it!
Our library has the train cars, tracks, accessories, plus a ride on thing that looks like Thomas. It's nice, and if each kid would act like they have common sense, there would be more than enough cars to share. I did talk to a librarian after we got home and she said to fill out a comment form that will be sent to the central office. I suggested that they need signs back there, at parent eye level, that warn parents to keep their kids from hogging the set, plus another that specifies what age the area is for and a warning that they could be asked to leave the area if complaints are recieved.
Moondancer, did you say anything at McDonald's? My nieces were about 10 or 12 when they visited a McD's where a group of little ones were playing in the play area. They were staying to themselves, but an adult asked the manager to make them leave the area while the little ones were there. They were told to stay out until the families left.
My girls weren't even misbehaving! I bet they would have cleared it out for you, but I also bet you didn't want to create a stink- I'm like that, too.

[becky]

I forgot to mention that the librarian said the other big problem they have with that area is parents leaving their kids while they look for books. I've seen that. Or they'll leave like a 5 year old watch a younger sibling. It makes you wonder what they're thinking.

[Jackie]

I always remind my oldest one that she needs to "watch out" for the younger kids, especially when there's lots of little ones. She's also been known to go up and "rescue" one of the little ones that gets stuck at the top! We were at a playground one time that had a group of older kids playing tag. It was one of those "castle" parks. This young man, probably about 10, was being chased and needed to get out of there FAST! Could only go one way, and my pre-schooler was in his way. I was impressed, because he KNEW he couldn't just push past, and he was trying to hurry without knocking my little one down. He was very frustrated and trying so hard to be patient!

[moondancer7825]

I can understand sometimes its ok for older kids to be in the little kid area especially with the play center and a little one getting stuck up on top. I guess what I didn't say was that it bugs me when they basically push the little ones around so that they can't play on it. If the older ones are allowing the younger children to play and possibly even helping them then I don't see any problem with it. And no I've never said anything to management at McD's, I hate making a fuss but I have done it other places. Or I'll do like another person said and make a comment loud enough for the parents of the other children to hear.

I hate it when parents just drop their children off and leave the area to go browse somewhere else. I thought I was just an overprotective parent but my kids never leave my eye sight when we are at the library, the park, or anywhere else. They hate it especailly when it means I make my 7 year old ds go into the family bathroom at walmart with us. He keeps telling me that he is a big boy and shouldn't have to but in my opinion he is still to little. My dh did have a solution for this one time when he took the kids to the store and dd had to use the bathroom. He got an employee to go in and make sure the bathroom was clear before he sent dd in to go.

Ok now I'm rambling and getting off the subject so I'm gonna go check on the other threads.

[Brooke]

Moondancer, my husband is the head of security at a Wal-Mart store. You are wise to send an employee in to check it out first. That is the #1 place shoplifters/criminals will go to avoid cameras.

Becky, I was thinking about your library situation. I think that I might have done something more along the lines of "heaping coals on their heads", so to speak. When one takes your engine, offer her your boxcar as well :wink: . I would be inclined to keep offering them as many of the toys or whatever else you could find and then ask them politely if they have had enough or if they would like to keep taking advantage of a toddler. Just my thoughts.

[CrystalB9]

Just to clarify Becky, when I would take a toy from a child that took it from mine I didnt actually take it out of their little hands. When they let it go for a minute I kind of scooted it back over to my little one. :wink:

Brooke, I like your thoughts on the subject.

[becky]

Crystal, I wasn't saying anything against you! People today are so touchy, is what I meant. I was glad another mom was there when I made the comment about sharing. You just never know. With these two girls, the point was moot- they held their cars with both hands! I guess the kids get possessive because they sometimes play alone there, and then it's fine to hog the set. The parents need to clue the child in on when they need to share.

[CrystalB9]

Oh, I didnt think you were Becky. I just thought I better explain myself a little better so ya all dont think I make little kids cry!! :cry: LOL
If those girls had that kind of a grip on the toys I guess you were pretty limited to what you could do. I wonder if you brought your own from home if that would help?? Then when another child would be tempted to take it you could say that it belongs to your little one. Just a thought... :wink:

[Jackie]

There have been times...few and far between!!!...when my younger girl has had to go to the bathroom while I'm in line. IF the line I'm in is RIGHT THERE to where I can watch the bathroom door and IF her older sister is with her and they can go TOGETHER I will let them go. Otherwise, no go. DH once had a case of diahrea at the movie theatre with Faythe. He left Faythe in the theatre by herself watching previews while he went into the men's bathroom. I guess she got scared of the previews and started to freak, a nice mom next to her took her into the lobby and gave DH an earful later (rightfully so,) but am not sure what would have been the best way for him to handle the situation.

I know how it is about kids being "left off". I know our library has a time with it, and I've heard that it happens all the time at mall toy stores. I think if I were the manager at a toy store and I saw a child on his own, I'd ask where the parents were. If they weren't around, I'd call security to pick up an "abandoned child". Though you'd probably need a sign that specified no children were to be left unattended under a certain age.

[Terry]

There were several news reports last school year about kids being left at the libraries by themselves. The parents dropped them off after school. They use the libraries like day cares. The news reporter even found a toddler wandering the main library by herself. When my kids went to ps we liked to stop in the library after school. We always passed a line of cars out front dropping kids off. (Most elementary kids.) Now, we only go to the library during school hours and we go at opening time in the summer.

As far as how to handle the girls you were talking about I would probably try something a bit different. Find a book on sharing and read it out loud to your child as he/she plays with the one train he did get. Even if the child doesn't get the message right away, you don't know what kind of "seed" you may have planted in her head. (And the parent can't accuse you of anything either.) Good luck!

[becky]

4 years ago my sister and her family were displaced by a fire, and our church rented the family the church parsonage. This meant we were just minutes apart, and my youngest niece liked to be at our library. Well, her dad would drop her off there around 5 and go up to their house in PA to work on the fire damage. My neice would call me about 6:30-7:00 for a ride home. Unknown to me, that's when her dad was supposed to get her but she just got tired of waiting!
I complained to the library and asked what was their policy concerning children left there. They really don't have one. They said they will remain for a short time after closing to help a child, they'll encourage a child to call the parents, but if it takes too long they will call police. The lady I talked to said she poersonally has seen kids waiting outside on the bench after closing. She said it truly is not their job to watch kids, and it's not, really.
My niece is actually the reason Jeannie came in September instead of October! She pulled that 'Dad forgot me' crap, I went down to get her, and she was no where to be found. I was frantic. It ends up he came to get her and she never had the decency to call me. I was so upset and scared of what could have happened, and I was so mad at her 'so what' attitude when I went to their house, that my water broke just hours later .

[CrystalB9]

Hey Becky I thought of you yesterday!! My kids and I went to the library. :wink: After reading a few books my little ones headed right for the train. You know what I noticed yesterday that I never saw before this conversation was a large sign that hung at the enterance saying - DO NOT LEAVE CHILDREN UNATTENDED!
By the way it was empty there and we were the only ones at the train. :D :wink:

[becky]

We have the same sign. :roll: Some people can't seem to read it, though.