Update and request for advice

[Anonymous]

I thought I'd give a brief update. It looks like I won't be able to use the midwife after all. My dh's work changed insurance, so I'll have to use an Ob-gyn. I found a woman, so maybe it won't be too bad. :)

Now for advice. We told my in-laws our good news. The response was lackluster at best. Everyone else in both families are excited & happy for us. But not dh parents. My dh thinks it could be that they half expect it to end in a miscarriage (my first & third pregnancies did) or they figure it's just going to be another girl, so who cares. :x My MIL is obsessed with baby boys (as in getting one born into the family). Example of this, my niece recently had a boy. When my MIL found out it was a boy, her "oh what a cute baby" went into hyperdrive and comments of "how lucky" my niece is! I guess my question is, how do I handle this? Just ignore her obvious lack of enthusiasm? My main concern is that it is possible that I'm carrying a boy afterall. If so, I'm betting her unconcerned attitude will disappear like a rocket. I'm just really bothered by all this. We hoped they would be as happy for us as my father is. That they're not is just so unsettling.

Oop, so so long. Thanks for any & all feedback.
Paula

[Brooke]

Hi, Paula. I am just jumping in here to offer some support. I'm sorry that some of your family are not as excited as you are. Some ppl have different ways of guarding against possible pain, like someone loosing a baby, by not letting themselves become too attached in the beginning to the new little blessing. I have a very close friend who has a uterine condition that causes miscarriage and her husband is no longer enthusiastic when she becomes pregnant. He doesn't want to try anymore, even after corrective surgery, because of the hurt. If this is your MIL's situation, try to give her the benefit of the doubt--you'll feel better if you aren't holding any bitterness in, too. :wink:

One thing I learned was to let my hubby deal with his mother, not me, when I am disgusted with her. When we had something touchy going on, I wouldn't even chat with her....when she called I'd say in the most polite of voices, "just a second, let me get Ed for you." It kept me stress free and gave hubby a bit of a much-needed shove to handle the situation and take care of his wife at the same time. I'd urge you to remain as positive as possible right now and defer any ill-will to someone more suited to handle (or brush off) the offending comments and attitudes.

Best wishes, and keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to provide an update. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. I wanted to thank all who sent well wishes before.

Paula

[HeidiPA]

:(
Paula,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your recent miscarriage. I understand your pain and your loss, as I lost a baby (as a result of a tubal pregnancy) at about 11 or 12 weeks.
Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure there's lots of other ladies here who have been in similar situations. And, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that "we're here for you" if you need anything at all.
Thanks for checking in and letting us know. (I know how difficult it is to talk about)
Heidi

[CrystalB9]

Paula - I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Crystal in PA

[Brooke]

So sorry to hear about your baby. I'm glad you are able to let us know. Please don't hesitate to come here for extra support you might need. We are all thinking of you right now and many are praying for your family.

[Brenda]

Paula,
Sorry to hear about the loss... been there too many times myself (five times between the middle and youngest boy). It's never an easy thing to go through. Only time and prayer will heal the loss that you are feeling right now (and we're praying for you). If you ever want to vent or need support, I'm sure you'll find ears here that will listen and offer support for you if you want it.

God Bless,
Brenda

[Anne]

Paula, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you. I lost my second (and last?) baby at 7 weeks... You'll be in my prayers.
Anne

[Trish]

I also lost my 2nd child and that was my last. I was about 7 or 8 weeks. My prayers are with you.

[Jackie]

I also lost one about that time. The hardest part was trying to figure out how to let a four-year-old that there was no longer a "baby in Mommy's tummy". My thoughts and prayers are with you also.

[abcTammy]

Paula,
My heart goes out to you.
Tammy

[Anne]

My dh did a wonderful job of explaing to our three year old son that the baby is with Jesus now. Ds is now 6 and still brings up his baby brother or sister in our family conversations. It startles me sometimes, though, when someone comments on our son "needing" another sibling and ds just pipes up and tells them he has sibling in Heaven, because the baby died in Mommy's tummy. Depending on my mood after hearing yet again that we "should" have another child, I'm secretly glad ds is so open about it. Usually the embarrassed party doesn't bring up the issue again! Why do people say such thoughtless things?
Anne

[Anonymous]

very sorry for your miscarrage you won't believe this, but I just had a miscarrage too. It started when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Ultra sound showed that the baby's heart beat stopped at 6 weeks of pregnancy.

I know exactly how you feel. It's a difficult time for any family.

Randa

[Anonymous]

I could not send the old message under my old username "randa" as it used to be because it says that the username randa is been taken.
so I added G to my name as a new user but I used to be a member ????I don't know how that happened and it also put under guest instead of member as I used to

randa

[Amanda]

Paula, I am sorry about your loss. :(



Randa, I think you need to login first using the boxes at the top of the forum. It sounds like you may have entered your username as you were posting the message.

[Anne]

Randa, I'm so sorry you just had a miscarriage, too. Praying for you.
Paula, how are you doing? Still praying for you.
Blessings,
Anne

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone. Your thoughts & prayers mean so much.

Randa, I'm sorry to hear of your loss as well. It's never an easy thing to go through. This was my third. I know how hard it is to get thru the physical & emotional pain, but believe it or not, it does eventually become bearable. But you never forget. Especially around the time the baby would have been born, and on the annivarsary date of the miscarriage.

For me, my dh is my support. He's gotten me thru the roughest times. But this time was a little harder, since we had to tell my dd4 that the baby sibling she had wanted so much had died. But we got thru & she got it better than we thought she would. But she still wants that sibling. So, we have decided to try again. Not right away, but maybe by the end of the year. Hopefully, it won't take as long as this time did (year). Besides, I really do want to have another baby myself, and so does my dh. So we'll take the plunge & take the chance.

Thanks again everyone
Paula