View Full Version : Screaming
06-19-2004, 08:45 PM
My Jeannie will be 4 in September. She's a pleasant, obedient little girl-except when she gets frustrated. She screams at the top of her lungs. :twisted: ( I had to use that twisted evil smiley!!) When I respond to her I keep my tone of voice normal, and help her figure out whatever it is. Once in a while she plucks that last nerve and I don't even deal with her then- I put her in the corner until she calms down. Anyone else ever deal with this?
06-19-2004, 08:46 PM
I think I may have been that way when I was a child. :twisted: (My mom called me a little monster... I had to use it, too!) I have had kindergartners that do it as well. I think you are choosing the best way to handle it. (remaining calm, removing her from the situation til she calms down) I usually say something like, "I will talk to you when you are ready to use a nice voice like mine..." or something to that effect. "Sit in the corner. You are welcome to come out and talk to me when you have calmed down..." ETC.
I use a lot of techniques from Love &amp; Logic (www.loveandlogic.com) with kids who are likely to get into power struggles.
06-19-2004, 08:47 PM
Maybe I'm letting her work it out herself for too long. I want her to think things through, but maybe I should step in sooner. For example, she likes to play with small plastic animals. Some won't stand up on the carpet with out being positioned just so. She'll try to set it down, but if it continues to fall, it sets her off. I've even suggested she pretend it's time for the animal to sleep, but she has her story she's doing with them, and she wants to keep on that way.
06-19-2004, 08:56 PM
Amanda, I love Love and Logic, too! My brother (school psych) suggested it to me a couple years ago when we hit a roadblock with our oldest. I've seen this theory carry over into many, many child behavior books. I borrowed a book from my bro entitled "Pearls of Love and Logic for Parents and Teachers". It was full of situational ideas. I've used this method at home and in the classroom (preschool and church classes) and have had wonderful success!
Becky, all I can say is keep at what you are doing! :wink: I have one that reached a frustration level quickly like that. I found that it was very difficult to empose my fuse length onto him :lol: I just keep reminding myself that if I am patient and gentle with him he will be trained to use this character trait in a positive way. Just think how determined she will be to press on when the going gets tough! Once I've had my second cup of coffee (yeah, it's decaf but my brain doesn't know that yet :roll: ) I'll see if I can think of anything that really helped out my ds. I will say that he had other factors at play, including some emotional issues that are now medicated, and he is a much happier person. Still determined, but not an emotional rollercoaster.
06-21-2004, 05:06 PM
Remove her from the situation! Dr Phil sugested this once. If the child screams then set her/him on a chair so they may still see the toy or person that set em off. Speak normally saying if you can not play with out yelling than you may sit. After calming down only allow the child to play with one or two of what ever(animals you said) When she proves to be able to handle that then give her a few more but the instant she screams remove again and be persistant. I tried it and it worked with dd however with my son I had to get rid of what agrivated him. It is a stage and I am sure she will out grow it. God Bless!! 8)
06-21-2004, 06:46 PM
I wish you could all see this dainty, blonde child! She pulled this stuff earlier. She got up from her nap and remembered a lollipop she had in the fridge. I said not til supper is over. At the top of her little lungs she yells 'I want my lollipop noooowwww!!!' I bet the neighbors were lovin' it! :oops:
06-26-2004, 12:15 PM
We had the same problem with our youngest daughter at that age. I'm a firm believer in spanking the bottom. Fortunately for us, with consistent discipline and patience..she finally figured out her *fits* had to go! We never put her in the corner, we spanked. I can't say that would work for everyone though. My sister has a son that goes into a rage very quickly. I never had to deal with that with my girls. Sometimes spanking him makes him worse. ...but on the other hand....sometimes you just have to be tough and brake their ego. Kinda like a breaking a horse in (training)....you have to keep on until they know you're the boss!
I'm not trying to tell you to beat your child. I know their are some parents who don't believe in spanking. This is just what worked for us. (firm spanking..not beating ..LOL)
Good luck Becky!
06-26-2004, 12:18 PM
Please excuse my errors in that last post! Should've proofread before I hit the button! : (
06-26-2004, 12:24 PM
Oh, she gets her butt fanned when she gets really terrible, but actually that's not very often at all.
06-26-2004, 03:53 PM
Is she stong-willed in general? If so, my ds would weigh the consequences with the will to do what he wanted. I even remember me telling him that if he did ???? he'd get spanked. He says to me (at 5yo), "will that be it? okay."....he actually chose to do whatever it was because the spanking was momentary and evidentally worth getting his way.
We spank in our home, too, but I have found that for most of the offenses it works best to use a "natural consequence" to train them. In all cases, if the offense warrants a spanking we always follow through with a natural consequence.
I've only used the following approach in the classroom with kids your dd's age, but it is a Love and Logic idea: if she is screaming at the top of her lungs telll her calmly that when she does that it is draining your energy and the energy of all who are in the home. Things that put energy back into the home might be picking up toys or washing the walls, or whatever helps the household. In this case, you are making a natural consequence when in all actuallity the only consequence might exhist is that people become upset with her. I've also used the one liner, "that really hurts my ears." in a very matter-of-fact voice. In this case you are letting her know that she is causing a problem for you and then ask her what she might do to "fix" the problem she has created. If she needs help with this, come up with some good and bad ideas and ask her what would happen if she chose any of those ideas and then she will probably choose the best solution. Note that all of the ideas should in NO WAY make you have to do anything.....like if she says, "you could go to another room." that would mean that you would have to do something and it needs to be your dd that does the action to correct the problem.
Another freebie one-liner for anyone who's kids ask them the same thing over and over again is simply to repeat yourself with, "what did I say?". Pretty soon they get worn out from hearing mom say that and they "self-correct". My kids hear me say that once and they give it up. 8)
Sorry, I'm kinda rambling....hope these ideas help!
06-26-2004, 10:46 PM
I'll have to remember to ask 'What did I say?' That's genuinely cool!
I must say Jeannie is a truly well behaved little girl, but I'm not used to this screaming out of frustration. I have been watching her, and I notice she does try to work things out for herself for quite awhile. If she's tired and I miss that cue, I notice she'll have less tolerance. When she acts up I can almost always look at the clock and it will be true that it's coming up on nap time.
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