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Mom2ampm
05-22-2004, 07:53 AM
First, this is my first year of homeschooling. However, I taught kindergarten for six years. DH is supportive of the decision to hs our kids but still felt they needed the social activities involved with school. We had a great first year and DH complimented me throughout saying what a great teacher I am! Then, the other day I was preparing some things for next year and I called him over to preview them. He sat down and said, "So, you are going to homeschool again next year?" I said of course I was and what did he think I was going to do. (We withdrew dd from private school due to the extremely high cost of tuition.) Anyway, he asks how much was it again to go to private and I tell him. He says he thinks we can now afford that. I bring up that ds will be going in another year as well and he says okay. So, I am sitting there wondering where this all came from. I ask him if I am such a good teacher then why do they need to go back to school? He goes into his spill about how he wants them to have the social part like he did. He played sports all through school and built nice friendships through that. I argued that they can have all the sports they want but he wants a high school team player. Blah, blah, blah!

Then, last night I showed him my son's finished scrapbook and he is amazed. He asks, "Are you are going to do a big book like this every year???" Why not, I ask??? When he is done he walks away for something and when he returns he says, "I'll say this again. You are THE BEST teacher in the World!". Hmm, then why send your kids away so the best teacher in the world won't be able to teach them? He's a goofball!

I don't know how to explain to him that what he is saying sounds ridiculous. I think having a good teacher and good learning experience far outweighs some sports activities.:confused:

heatherwasp
05-22-2004, 08:03 AM
Maybe if he spoke to some homeschooling dads that have their kids in sports outside of the school system he might understand better?

Sounds like you are a great teacher:D:D:D I love the scrapbook idea!!!

HeidiPA
05-22-2004, 08:54 AM
Missy,
While your kids are still young, can't they play "town" sports? Here where we live anyone can play on the younger teams, regardless of where (or how) they go to school.
We live in a small, rural community, and they've finally got the decision passed through the school board to allow homeschooled kids to participate in extra-curricular activities. So, for high school, the homeschooled kids can play on the sports teams, participate in band, etc. Is that the case where you live?
It has been my experience (since I'm married to a huge sports fan, who is now also coaching basketball at the local high school) that men tend to put more importance on sports! Ugh! It's so frustrating sometimes.
It was in our local newspaper last week that the school system here spend over $290,000 on sports programs last year, and only $240,000 on curriculum materials/supplies. What's wrong with that picture?! You should try to find out if something similar is going on where you live. Maybe if your husband saw that, he'd think twice!
Good luck- I know you're doing a great job!
Heidi

mommamiaria
05-22-2004, 12:33 PM
Hi Missy,
I can certainly see why you are confused by your husband's statements. You must realize that his feelings are generated by his lack of knowledge about homeschooling and "socialization". We belong to a homeschool support group as do many other families and we have field trips, co-ops, sports, parties, and an opportunity to make friends. Many of the kids attend dance, karate, church and baseball as well as other sports outside of the homeschool group through programs offered by the YMAC, the city you live in, or other organizations. Not everyone makes friends in school. There is very little time during school for socializing. My daughter attended a private Christian School for 5 years and unfortunately never made a friend and believe me it wasn't due to lack of trying. My daughter is the friendliest kid on the planet but we live in a totally different society than we grew up in. It was very difficult to get the children together unless they lived right in your neighborhood. By the time they finished the school day, completed homework(and they get so much more homework than we got), attended to any extracurricular activities they had(girl/boy scouts, dance, sports, etc.) there wasn't much time for anything else. We also must consider that in many families both parents are working which makes it even more difficult. On the weekends many families attended church and spent quality family time together. The boys had football, baseball, and soccer games and practices to attend on the weekends. I am finding that it is much more difficult to establish friendships. Homeschooling allows you to spend one on one quality time with your kids and concentrate on the things that they enjoy as well as working on the things that they need help with. We accomplish so much more school work than they did in a day at school. There is a wealth of positive information about socializing and homeschool available on the internet that you should have your husband read. I would definitely want my child homeschooled by the "best teacher in the world". Sorry for rambling on. I hope this helps.

Maria

bemax3
05-22-2004, 01:33 PM
Hi Missy,

This is our third year and the first that my husband has been 100% on board. I think it is a societal thing. He and his friends grew up a certain way and like a pack of rats much of society follows what they did as children.

I understand the parent who remembers fondly those high school sports days. I had them and to be honest it was the only part of high school I enjoyed!! I loved being on those teams and competing. However, I would not bank my children's development on the hopes that not only will they be good enough to make a sports team but that they would want to. Who knows....by that time schools may be restructured to allow for homelearners to fully participate in athletics, music, drama etc.

Give him some time, have a few more talks and let him know you understand where he is coming from. Make sure he knows how passionate you are about this choice. That was enough to keep my husband on board those first two years. He has enough faith and trust in me to know that if I am passionate about something I will apply excellence. This third year has been fantastic with actually hearing support from my husband each day. He thanks me, shows enthusiasm and excitement, and tells the kids how fortunate they are. He also fully supports my book buying habit!!

Another thing that helped my husband was taking a good hard listen to co-workers, employees and family when they talk about the social environment at schools. He really is not prepared to take the chance that our kids will muddle through it all right. He also sees how quickly and wonderfully they learn on their own without being told what and how to do so.

Michelle

Mom2ampm
05-22-2004, 02:04 PM
While your kids are still young, can't they play "town" sports? Here where we live anyone can play on the younger teams, regardless of where (or how) they go to school.
We live in a small, rural community, and they've finally got the decision passed through the school board to allow homeschooled kids to participate in extra-curricular activities. So, for high school, the homeschooled kids can play on the sports teams, participate in band, etc. Is that the case where you live?


As of now, the kids here are not allowed to participate in high school sports or clubs. We do have tons of "town" sports that are available to them. He just wants to see his kids (esp. son) play high school sports. Who knows...by the time the kids are high school age it could be very different. I have tried to explain that to him but he can't see that things can change.

Mom2ampm
05-22-2004, 02:07 PM
You know my dh had a problem even with the private school my dd attended before homeschool. They didn't compete against other high schools. I bet that they will eventually though...atleast compete against other private schools. Anyway, he has a one track mind, lol.

He'll probably come around. Another option we've discussed is putting the kids into the private school around sixth grade or so. That way they can adapt to the change before hitting the high school years and still be able to do any sports and such that they wish to do. Our private school goes from PreK3 to 12th.

Anonymous
05-22-2004, 02:40 PM
He'll probably come around. Another option we've discussed is putting the kids into the private school around sixth grade or so. That way they can adapt to the change before hitting the high school years and still be able to do any sports and such that they wish to do. Our private school goes from PreK3 to 12th.

Yes. Tell him that for the time you'll just go "year to year". And hopefully by the time they reach the older grades, he'll change his mind! Something else I hear a lot is "What about PROM?!?!" ARRGH!!!!

Brooke
05-22-2004, 03:44 PM
The private schools around here (protestant, not Catholic) allow, even recruit homeschoolers to participate in extra-curricular activities. There are some schools that, for a small fee, will manage your records and you can purchase their curriculum (usually ACE or A Beka) at cost and then your kids are able to even go through graduation with a diploma from that school.

One Christian school even sends out a notice to our homeschooling group's newsletter so that we can go and have "school pictures" taken with them!

You might be surprised what your children can participate in if you ask--public or private school activities. Many states also offer dual enrollment where a homeschooled child can take selected classes and therefore also benefit from band, choir, scholastic bowl, and driver's ed. Sports are technically not curricular, so each school district has to make policy on allowing hs'ers to participate--or not. In IL, the only catch is that the class must have "room" for the hs'ed student in order for them to dual enroll.

It sounds like you and your hubby have wonderful communication, however ambivalent his thoughts may be right now :confused: :) :) I'm sure you will come to a place where you are in agreement, and where you are able to take each of your children's personalities into account...not just "daddy desires" ;) . Stick with him, he'll come around as he sees them mature. :cool:

Anonymous
05-22-2004, 04:14 PM
Many good high school athletes play on travel teams not connected with the school. They tend to be better :).

It might be worth looking into.

***A non-homeschooling mom with athletic sons.

Anonymous
05-22-2004, 06:11 PM
Things vary so much from state to state about sports. Wasn't it in Massachusetts where they recently ruled that Christian schools aren't permitted to have HS kids, but public schools can? Bottom line, you'll never know unless you ask! (And if you move, ask again!)

TinaTx
05-22-2004, 11:26 PM
Missy...

You might also need to check out some bigger homeschooler groups. The ones here have basketball tournaments, music, dance auditions, spelling bees.....I can't even remember all the activities they do.There is NOT a lack of activites or teams to be part of.

Also, since your kids are young, I know some moms have them play like soccer or T Ball. They are seasonal sports and it may satisfy the *sports fan* in him for now;)

Encourage him to look into the hsing group with you. Every homeschooling group needs a good *homeschooling dad* that is willing to organize groups for athletics.

I too would encourage him like Maria said, times are just different. Folks don't have as much time in ps to get together anymore with both parents working. By homeschooling, they can play a lot more activites and *keep the roads as hot* as you want to by taking them all over the place:D

Mom2ampm
05-23-2004, 08:10 AM
You might be surprised what your children can participate in if you ask--public or private school activities. Many states also offer dual enrollment where a homeschooled child can take selected classes and therefore also benefit from band, choir, scholastic bowl, and driver's ed.

In our county, hs are not allowed to really participate in anything. We can use their school library but we cannot even check out the books. So, there you go. But, there is a private school near us that offers courses and sports to hs. DH still has a problem with that though because they don't compete against other schools...atleast other public schools. He'll either get over it or something will come available. My kids probably won't even want to participate in sports, lol!

Mom2ampm
05-23-2004, 08:15 AM
Also, since your kids are young, I know some moms have them play like soccer or T Ball. They are seasonal sports and it may satisfy the *sports fan* in him for now


You know what? He doesn't even seem to care that they are not doing sports now. Well, dd is doing gymnastics but she's not on a team. I've told him that dd would do great at softball but he hasn't really seemed interested. She wanted him to be coach. Dh plays golf several times a week and should be taking the kids more often to teach them. DD has shown a little interest but Ds really seems interested. Nows the time to teach him! He's all talk and no action though. He could be working with the kids while they're not on a team so they'll be good. But, he won't make the time to do it. He says his business takes up too much time and he's so tired in the evenings. Weekends are usually spent golfing with buddies. He will take them fishing on the weekends some, but I don't think there are any fishing teams around here, LOL!

bemax3
05-23-2004, 09:45 AM
Missy!
We went through this a couple years back. My husband has his own business and works 80 hours a week, almost year round. Last year was the first year we took a week off together as a family. His work is his choice, provides a great life for us, and he finds it fulfilling. However....he chose to have kids!!! He takes Sunday off most weeks and that entire day is focussed around our home and the kids. Being that we homeschool the kids can be up if he arrives home at a decent hour. That time, again, focusses on the kids. They are so young yet and need their father. He still keeps fit and occasionally sees his friends. I make sure he has some down time in there somewhere and a bit of alone time. Talk to your husband!!! Don't become a golf widow!! However, if that fails do what I do....start doing all those things you wish your husband did the kids with just you and the kids. My husband felt so left out that he ended up giving up his twice weekly hockey games and joining in with us.

Michelle

Mom2ampm
05-23-2004, 11:07 AM
It's funny, I have started doing just what you said. I go places with the kids that I normally wouldn't have in the past. It is just sinking in to him that he missed all these fun trips and activities. He even mentioned it when he was looking at the scrapbooks. Maybe he'll come around. He's always been active...he's got ADHD. So, I think that's why he needs to stay on the go. But, I think now he realizes he could be on the go with us.

bemax3
05-23-2004, 11:23 AM
Good for you! I think he will come around. My husband is a great guy to the core but he is only 37. I think for awhile he was caught up in "becoming a success" and was afraid to get off the wheel. He also had that usual guy pressure to do it all. Work, family and of course his sports. Funny though, I am very athletic and played more organized sports than he did growing up and into my twenties. I didn't have much problem giving them up and yes, I was passionate about them. Occasionally I would like to compete on a team again but I am happy running each week and working out at home. For me it is the fitness aspect that is important, not the social part. Golf is tough though! You have to play frequently to be good. Like skiing!! My husband and I golf a couple times a year at fundraisers or company tournaments. That seems to do it. It just takes soooo long for a round of golf. One spot I run at is chip trail around a golf course. I am always amazed to see so many people with so much free time on their hands considering how busy the world claims to be!

Keep up with what you are doing, I really think he will come around. I found the less talking about the issue, the more he made changes on his own. I know some men are right there from the get go with kids. Mine was great when they were babes. He would walk the babes that had colic for hours at night. He would make sure I made it out for a run at night and on Sunday. But...as more kids came and work became more demanding, he wanted that outside the home type activity to destress. It was great when he came around to the fact that he could destress at home, with kids. Now at times when I organize a free Sunday afternoon for him he will still choose to come out with us instead of having alone time.

Anyway...this is a bit of ramble but wanted to know you aren't alone and I think it will work out with time.

Michelle

Anonymous
05-23-2004, 03:33 PM
My DH could care less about sports! I doubt he's ever seen a professional football game, and only attendsn professional hockey and baseball once a year with his dad and brothers to be social. If my kids never play sports, that's OK with him! So what happens? My oldest DD has been playing soccer for six years now, same coach for the last four. Of course, we go to the games. DD2 made it VERY CLEAR after one season that soccer was NOT for her! She dances instead. Then came along DS! At two, he went into a store and would name all the different types of balls. He prays "And help me grow up big and strong so I can play sports!!!" He was so excited when Mom bought him a football uniform for Christmas. So poor DH is stuck with the sports, whether he wants to or not.

Also, if you do go on trips without him (and I'm all for that if he won't go!) be sure to at least INVITE HIM. Tell him that you're going to (wherever) and would he like to go? If so, arrange to go when he will be off work; if not, then go ahead and have a good time. But often the guys think the teaching stuff is "ours", and they're a bit envious of the fun we have. They have some idea that they aren't really "needed". Just keep asking him, and making sure he knows he's welcome whenever he can make it!

Brooke
05-23-2004, 07:14 PM
I have come to the conclusion that I am blessed with a hubby who loves homeschooling and can't wait for times he can teach stuff to our kids, too! We don't really delegate who's responsibility it is since we are teaching them things all the time, but since hubby is working two jobs, I am obviously the one who gets the most time with the kids.

Hubby is also wonderfully easygoing with the kids concerning what activities they pursue. If anything, he keeps me in line in that area. I was in everything in school each year (volleyball, basketball, cheerleading, swing choir, vocal solo and ensemble, scholastic bowl and numerous clubs) which was encouraged by my mom. I find myself wanting to do all that stuff with my kids, too. Hubby is very good about reminding me of our kids' individuality. :cool:

Well, I can't wait to give him a big fat kiss as soon as he walks through the door from work!;)